Send your unsigned legible confessions and accusations of 400 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to "I, Anonymous," c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave., Third Floor, Seattle WA 98122, or e-mail us at anonymous@thestranger.com.

Here's my confession -- let's see if you can remember me. We were introduced by your friend. I wasn't even sure you liked me until you invited me back to your place that night. You told me if I decided to stay over, I had to be "good," and for some reason, I foolishly agreed.

As you climbed into bed, I told you I couldn't sleep with my clothes on, so I took them off. You were wearing a shirt and panties. We climbed into bed, and I wrapped my arm around you. You asked me to play with your nipples, so I did. I pinched and pulled and sucked on them until you were moaning. By this time, I wanted to be inside you, but you said "no." I said "okay," and let you fall asleep.

However, after you went sleepy-bye, I decided to take "matters into my own hand," so to speak. While you lay on your stomach slumbering, I quietly jerked off onto your back until my sperm ran down your side. Okay, maybe that was the wrong thing to do. But look at it this way: After all was said and done? I got mine -- and you got mine, too.

-- Anonymous