SADLY, I'VE RECEIVED SOME RATHER disheartening news this week regarding my demographic, or as we insiders like to say, "demo." For those not hep to media analysis lingo, "demographic" means YOU--or a bunch of people like you who regularly read I Love Television™ (for example, you are a single male or female, 18 to 34, with an advanced degree, low to moderate income, and your sexual orientation varies with the amount of alcohol consumed). However! It seems a sizable chunk of my "demo" currently has a lot in common with Diff'rent Strokes star, Dana Plato--i.e., they're dead. This alarming fact came to light while tallying up the results of my recent Charlie's Angels quiz, when I realized that out of over 100 entries, not ONE person got all the answers right!

"What the fawk is going on here?" you may wonder. Well, I think it's pretty obvious. While my younger readership (24 years and under) continues to grow by leaps and bounds, my older readers (those aged 25 to 34 and privy to arcane Charlie's Angels trivia) have either died, or slipped into an advanced state of Alzheimer's. This means the people who actually entered my contest were probably born after 1975, and while all are filled with youthful virility, most are likely to have NO knowledge of Charlie's Angels whatsoever!!

Now. For those who did enter my contest, you are not to blame for your ignorance. You did not choose the year in which you were born, and therefore will not be punished for it. And though I promised to only select those who received a perfect score to be in the final drawing for the Charlie's Angels prize pack, I've decided to be uncharacteristically un-dick-like and include EVERYONE who entered! Hurrah for ME! Remember, the winner of our drawing will receive a bevy of big-busted Charlie's Angels memorabilia including: a glossy photo of Farrah-Fawcett Majors in her red bathing suit (yes, the one with the nipple!), a computer mouse pad embossed with the very same photo (and the very same nipple!), a Charlie's Angels T-shirt (to show off your nipple), and a Charlie's Angels magnet (nipple, nipple, nipple). These prizes were lovingly donated by the only place that loves nipples more than I do, Rialto Movie Arts, Seattle's finest TV and movie memorabilia house, located at 81 1/2 S. Washington St. in beautiful Pioneer Square. When visiting, say "hi" to Sharon from Humpy, and ask her to show you her Austin Powers noddy-head dolls. They're a goddam hoot!

Okay! Now it's time to announce the winner of our Angel Trivia Challenge,™ and that lucky, lucky person is none other than... Becky Blixt of Seattle, WA!! Becky only missed three of the six questions (which was better than most, believe me!), and here are the ones she got wrong:

Question 3! Which annoying M*A*S*H regular was Bosley's assistant in the Angels pilot, but was subsequently shit-canned? Why, it was David Ogden Stiers, better known as Major Winchester! Becky incorrectly guessed big-nosed Corporal Klinger. Question 5! What was the original title for Charlie's Angels? Originally it was called The Alley Cats, a name only slightly more sexist than Bosley's Beauties (which was Becky's guess). And speaking of sexism, Question 6! How many times during Charlie's opening monologue (where he described how he hired the angels) was he being sexist? Becky said once, when she knows good and well he was being a chauvinist pig FOUR TIMES! (In Becky's prize package, I've included the number for N.O.W., to help her bone up on feminism! Remember folks, "a woman needs a bicycle like a fish needs a man" ...or something like that.)

Congratulations to Becky, and my condolences to the families and friends of all my readers who recently died. And to my new 24 and younger "demo"? Hey, Dudes! Welcome to my radical column! Tune in next week for my Transformers Trivia Quiz where I'll be giving away a case of Mountain Dew! Like, EXTREME!