What would Christmas be without creepy wooden puppets? Whenever the baby Jesus' birthday rolls around, I never know how to feel--until Rankin/Bass holiday specials TELL ME how to feel. My problem is, they're so much alike, I get all woozy trying to sort 'em out! So here's a little Snap Quiz™ to test your knowledge of Rudolph, the Grinch, Frosty, Santa, and the king of the bald prepubescent martyrs, Charlie Brown. Answers are below, but no cheatin'! Santa's watching, you DIRTY BIRD!

Match Game 2002

Draw a line matching the syrupy holiday special on the left with the archnemesis on the right who would ruin Xmas for everybody!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Winter Warlock

How the Grinch Stole Christmas Professor Hinkle

A Charlie Brown Christmas Abominable Snowman

The Year Without a Santa Claus Ben Haramed

Frosty the Snowman Cindy Lou Who

The Little Drummer Boy "Commercialism"

Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town The Miser Bros.

³We Three Kings² Multiple Choice Quiz

1. The Grinch can best be described as (a) Cranky. (b) Lacking in the spirit deemed appropriate for the holidays. (c) A triple-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.

2. In A Charlie Brown Christmas, Lucy says Christmas is "a commercial racket run by... " (a) "a big Eastern syndicate." (b) "ad agencies." (c) "Met Life."

3. Which of the following is NOT one of the names considered by the children for Frosty the Snowman? (a) Harold. (b) Freezie. (c) Oatmeal. (d) Kuckafuckarabba.

4. "I'm Mister Green Christmas, I'm Mister Sun. I'm Mister Heat Blister, I'm Mister Hundred and One." Okay, so who am I? (a) Mr. Curling Iron. (b) A motorcycle exhaust pipe. (c) An ad for a tanning salon. (d) The Heat Miser.

5. In Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, what's the name of the toy-hatin' mayor of Sombertown? (a) Burgermeister Burgermeister. (b) Burgerburger Meistermeister. (c) Meisterburger Burgermeister. (d) Burgermeister Meisterburger.

6. In which holiday special is Santa a real asshole? (a) The Year Without a Santa Claus. (b) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. (c) Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. (d) Frosty the Snowman.

7. In The Year Without a Santa Claus, Jangle Bells the Elf shows his concern for Santa by saying (a) "What about your gout?" (b) "Maybe you've got a tapeworm." (c) "You don't scare children... you LOVE children!" (d) "You look so tense... Here, lay down and let me rub those tired muscles."

Answers!! Match Game: Rudolph = Abominable Snowman, Grinch = Cindy Lou Who, Charlie Brown = "Commercialism," Year Without Santa = The Miser Bros., Frosty = Professor Hinkle, Little Drummer Boy = Ben Haramed, Santa Claus Is Comin' = Winter Warlock. Multiple Choice. 1. "c" 2. "a" 3. "b" 4. "d" 5. "d" 6. "b" 7. "a"