BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! Sick and fed up with Kellie Martin, who plays drippy Lucy Knight on E.R.? ME, TOO! Well, now we can rejoice because as of next month Li'l Miss Martin will be leaving the show in a subtle, yet typical E.R. fashion -- i.e., in a hail of bullets! According to the New York Post, Martin (because of her incessant whining about having nothing to do) will be written out of the show in a particularly gory fashion... the victim of a gangland-style execution! Hmm... sounds like somebody doesn't like her up there. Kellie honey, here's a tip: When I don't have enough to do around work, I don't complain -- I take a nap.
BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! I swear to God, I was this close to drinking myself into another date with a stomach pump, when I learned about the new Dukes of Hazzard reunion movie, called Hazzard in Hollywood! Debuting sometime this spring on CBS, them gol'durn Duke boys will be once again struttin' around in tight jeans, unnecessarily jumping the General Lee over big mounds of dirt, and blowing up outhouses -- except this time they'll be doing it in LOS ANGELES! (Waitasecond... they don't have outhouses in L.A.... but maybe they will after they blow up all the cans on Rodeo Drive! YEEEEEEE-HAW!!)
BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! Riddle of the week: What animal goes "moof"? A cow with buck teeth.
HA! HA! HAAAAAAA! Hoooooo, boy! YES! HAAA, HAAA, HAAAA! Hee, hee, heee... Ahhhhhhhhh... that was a good one.
BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! Think the Backstreet Boys are dreamy? ME TOO!! However, I'm less than pleased with all these hunky copycatters horning in on their action! It's bad enough that 'N Sync and 98 Degrees can simply take off their shirts and make my tongue drag across the pavement, but now ABC is trying to get in my pants, too! The alphabet network will debut a new show on March 10 that crosses the Backstreet Boys with The Real World, called (stupidly enough) The Boy Band Show. This series follows the real-life adventures of eight hopefuls vying to become the next boy-band hit. Each week the lads will endure rigorous training, including singing lessons, dance rehearsals, interview techniques, and (hopefully) advanced homoerotica -- well, they better, if they want to duplicate the dreamy pix I saw in Entertainmenteen magazine, where the Backstreet Boys were playing half-nekkid grab-ass around the pool. Sighhh... be still my beating heart....
BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! "Will Willow up and go GAY??" That seems to be the question on the mind of every Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan... and the answer? You bet yer sweet rug cleaner, she will! According to series creator Joss Whedon, this season Willow and her new witchy friend Tara will give lesbianism the old college try. However, Whedon also states that the scenes will be portrayed in a "romantic" and "responsible" manner (which is exactly how I like my hot girl-on-girl action -- romantic and responsible). RRRROWWRRR!!
BEEP-BEEP! BUH-BEEP-BEEP! That's all the news for this week! I'm Wm.™ Steven Humphrey: your source for all the hot poop that's fit to scoop! (Ick. Okay, that was disgusting.)
