We Regret These Errors

We Regret These Errors

Sorrowful Remorse

From the Desk of the Enumclaw Horse

From the Desk of Katie Holmes's Fetus

From the Desk of Former Monorail Director Joel Horn

Dept. of Corrections

I Regret Not Killing Benjamin Colton Barnes Before He Got to That Park Ranger

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Republicans Giving Me a Bad Name

I Regret That Señor Romney Lost the Election

We Regret These Errors.

We Regret These Erors

From the Desk of Michael Jackson

I Regret Being Consigned to Eternal Damnation with the Guy Who Drew The Family Circus

I Regret Not Taking Out Lance Armstrong

We Regret Mentioning Suicide, Publishing Essays about Suicide, and Placing Visual Depictions of Suicide on Our Cover

I Regret Nothing

From the Desk of J. Edgar Hoover

We Wish to Announce Several Regrets (We Wish to Announce Several Regrets)

What You Think About When You Think About Chile

I Regret What's Happening to This City

That Sculpture Is a Stain on Our Reputation

I Regret Not Being Considered Food and Offer, for Your Enjoyment, This Recipe

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Please Allow Me to Set the Record Straight

I Regret Rehab

I Regret that Pit Bulls Find My Face So Delicious

I Regret Macklemore's Tweets

We Regret We’re So Dumb

On June 28, The Stranger published an article called "Atlas Clothing's Covert Concerts," detailing the all-ages music venue in the back room at Atlas Clothing and the shop's professed effort to make its venue legit. (Atlas was already advertising shows and its owner told me he welcomed the publicity.) The next day, Atlas Clothing was visited by the fire department and told to stop doing shows until it got its would-be venue up to code. Instead, Atlas simply gave up on doing shows.

It didn't stop there. The day after that, Mayor Greg Nickels and the city council reinstated the Teen Dance Ordinance, forcing venues like Neumo's, Chop Suey, and the Crocodile to stop hosting all-ages shows. Megan Seling's long-running Underage column was cut from The Stranger, and Seling was summarily fired for her well-known all-ages sympathies. Seattle's all-ages nonprofit the Vera Project was raided by the SPD and shut down; several volunteers were injured by rubber bullets and Tasers before being arrested. As of this writing, basement shows have been effectively abolished, and all homes caught hosting live music are being seized by the state and sold at auction. A strict curfew has been enacted, allowing only those of legal drinking age out after 8:00 p.m. Music-education programs have been stripped from the public schools and iPod sales are now restricted to state-owned liquor stores, valid ID required. All-ages music in Seattle is dead. I sincerely regret this turn of events.