We Regret These Errors

We Regret These Errors

Sorrowful Remorse

From the Desk of the Enumclaw Horse

From the Desk of Katie Holmes's Fetus

From the Desk of Former Monorail Director Joel Horn

Dept. of Corrections

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Republicans Giving Me a Bad Name

I Regret That Señor Romney Lost the Election

We Regret These Errors.

We Regret These Erors

From the Desk of Michael Jackson

I Regret Being Consigned to Eternal Damnation with the Guy Who Drew The Family Circus

I Regret Not Taking Out Lance Armstrong

We Regret Mentioning Suicide, Publishing Essays about Suicide, and Placing Visual Depictions of Suicide on Our Cover

I Regret Nothing

From the Desk of J. Edgar Hoover

We Wish to Announce Several Regrets (We Wish to Announce Several Regrets)

What You Think About When You Think About Chile

I Regret What's Happening to This City

That Sculpture Is a Stain on Our Reputation

I Regret Not Being Considered Food and Offer, for Your Enjoyment, This Recipe

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Please Allow Me to Set the Record Straight

I Regret Rehab

I Regret that Pit Bulls Find My Face So Delicious

I Regret Macklemore's Tweets

I Regret Killing All-Ages Music

We Regret We’re So Dumb

Look, I've killed a few lost people in my time, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll kill some more in the future. That's how it is around here. If you're going to be climbing all over me, don't forget even for a minute that I can take your little life just like that! Still, just because I'm a killer doesn't mean I associate with common murderers. If you've done something crazy with your puny guns on New Year's Eve, don't come running up to me. I'm not going to find you a cozy cave and keep you warm until the coast is clear. That Benjamin Colton Barnes sure learned this the hard way. Sure, it's got to be tough returning from Iraq with post-traumatic stress. But shooting up a party then coming to me for a hiding spot and killing one of my rangers? A lovely young woman with two children at home? Unfuckingbelievable! I regret not dropping a tree on his car the moment he got here. Instead, I had to freeze his stupid ass, which took a while. They found him half submerged in one of my iciest creeks, wearing a T-shirt, pants, and only one shoe. I further regret not killing him somewhere less scenic than Narada Falls, but believe me, he died miserably. recommended