Musicians' Resource Directory

Prime Time Nine

Musicians' Resource Directory

'The O.C.' Rules

The Biggest Loser

Radio Radio

Merch Lust

Full-Court Press

David Versus Goliath

Consign o' the Times

Book Smart

Pay to Play

Get in the Van

Sleep Is Underrated

Do I Do

Give Yourself a Hand

Rock the Rock, Walk the Walk

The Most Unsung Job in the Biz

Musicians' Resource Listings

If you want to be my groupie, you must first of all be patient. You can tag along with me, but you have to know that sometimes I gotta get stuff done.

Second of all, you have to know where to get something to eat.

Third, you have to have friends. Maybe that night I feel like I need four or five groupies. Maybe I want to be picked up and carried somewhere. You're gonna need some friends to help you out.

And lastly, you gotta be into nudity for no reason.

I don't know how much sex is actually involved. I feel like it's rude to ask how much sex my groupie is giving to all of the other cats.

I would like to write the groupie-etiquette handbook. If you are a groupie looking for guidance, call me.

I only want the best caliber of groupies. The upper echelon. I need the innocent groupie, the buck-wild groupie, the '80s rock groupie, the comedic groupie, and the old-lady groupie, because I'm not into leaving anyone out. I also need a groupie who knows how to read. I need a diverse pool of groupies, which is why I'm taking my time.

I can handle the conversations of about seven to eight women at once. Any more than that and it gets weird. That's where the etiquette comes in—I don't know if you shake hands first or ask them to get naked first. I'm not saying the woman needs to get naked for sexual reasons. I don't know if we are going to have sex. I want naked women around for comfort reasons.

But really, it all comes back to knowing where to get something to eat. I don't care if you get naked­­—if I'm getting a stomach cramp, it doesn't matter. First and foremost, Tilson is hungry. I wonder if groupies always knew where to take Marvin Gaye to get something to eat.

Be a groupie of mine; we'll do things. Memories will be created. I just want to have some fun. Hopefully, my groupies will leave with great memories. Also, they'll know where to get something to eat. recommended