Here's something that's just plain ridiculous. The December 15 Seattle Gay News reported television as fact. The paper confused a story about TV President Martin Sheen with real-life President Bill Clinton.

In an episode that ran a few weeks ago, West Wing's make-believe President Bartlet had an argument with a make-believe Dr. Laura, the infamous anti-gay talk-show host. Seattle Gay News writer Tom Flint apparently got confused, and in an article about KING 5's demotion of The Dr. Laura Show, he reported that real-life President Clinton had gotten into it with real-life Dr. Laura.

SGN publisher George Bakan assured us it was a simple mistake, and offered this explanation for his writer's bizarre reporting: "Tom is not an avid TV watcher, and has been in a monastery the last few months becoming a Buddhist monk." PAT KEARNEY

Smells Like Teen Lawsuit II

The war to abolish the Teen Dance Ordinance (TDO) escalated last week when attorney Dave Osgood and music- community activists from JAMPAC filed suit in King County Superior Court challenging the constitutionality of the atrocious law. The 11-page suit claims that the TDO violates freedom of speech and assembly, gives the police a monopoly in providing security, and gives a market advantage to promoters who are exempt from the TDO, like the city of Seattle, which puts on the all-ages Bumbershoot. PAT KEARNEY

Quote of the Week

"I ought to shove this pen down your fucking throat!"--from Seattle Police Department Incident Report #00-585095, documenting an altercation between one Seattle Post-Intelligencer striker and one P-I scab. PHIL CAMPBELL

Ve Vill Kill You!

Given the often apathetic tone at the picket line, it might seem odd for The Seattle Times to be taking extra steps to respond to death threats from adamant strikers.

However, the paper's latest measure is a memo entitled "Threatening Phone Call (Personal Threat)." The memo, recently obtained by The Stranger, treats threatening phone calls with all the thoroughness of an FBI investigation. Here are some of the questions the memo asks:

"What type of an attack (shoot, stab, car bomb)?

"Was the caller White? Black? Foreign? Unknown?

"If foreign, which country? (Germany, France, etc.)

"Background noises (music, industrial, RR noises, office)." NANCY DREW