BY NOW, MOST OF YOU have probably heard all about the restaging of Kurt Cobain's public memorial service, taking place at the Seattle Center fountain on Friday July 23 at 2 pm. But wait 'til you hear the premise of the film New Line Cinema is building around it. It's called A Leonard Cohen Afterworld, and perhaps it's best to let the production company speak for itself on the plot: "How do two 20-year-olds from Las Vegas' trailer park lands come to terms with life, death, and what it means to be an outsider in the last decade of the 20th century? It's 1994...." Oh, whatever. Basically it goes like this -- a car thief/drug dealer and his pool-cleaning, gigolo best friend get in some kinda sex trouble and hit the road, winding up in Seattle on April 10, 1994. It stars Jared Leto (FOXY!), and Cruel Intentions' Selma Blair (playing what seems to be Ye Olde "Stripper with a Brain"). It gets worse: Character actor John C. McGinley (age 40+) stars as "Johnny Fox," playing -- oh God -- "the paragon of partiers and a self-styled prophet for the new millennium." Would he be the '90s version of Big Wednesday's "Bear"? When I called her up, the film's publicist described Johnny's look in a frightening sound bite: "Iggy Pop meets Bob Marley." Translation: Middle-aged white guy with dreads! Christ on a fucking Jell-O crutch. By the way, the Murder City Devils were offered a shitload to play at the event -- as a crowd draw -- but they declined. One more thing: The eagle eyes who thought they spotted Cameron Diaz in town are correct. Diaz is dating Jared Leto. She'll be living here through the summer, and rumor has it she'll be making an appearance at the faux memorial.

Imperial Teen's Roddy Bottum was so smitten with new Seattle residents Death Cab for Cutie after checking out their show in San Francisco that he's asked the band to join his on the road. They'll be touring together in September, and will play Bumbershoot on the way.

What local millionaire rock star/gadabout and his partner of nearly 15 years are rumored to be calling it splits? Sources say it smells like divorce.

Who's the nicest man in local rockdom these days? That would have to be Ean Hernandez (ex-Sicko) who recently came to the aid of Berkeley pop group Dealership's Chris Groves. Upon breaking a string during a recent sound check, Groves discovered he didn't have any spares. Hernandez was all set to run the guy up to Guitar World, but instead just handed over his own strings and told Groves to use them in good health.

Celebrity photographer Charles Peterson was seen skulking around Looper's show at The Grunge Master Flash moved to San Francisco a year or so ago, but is threatening to make Seattle his home again sometime in October.

Alien Crime Syndicate is recording an album, with Craig Montgomery at the production helm. Montgomery last produced for Micro Mini. The album will be released on Collective Fruit.

Online music site Sonicnet recently posted an interview with "Last Kiss" songwriter Wayne Cochran, now a minister, who had some interesting things to say about Pearl Jam's recent smash version of his song. Though he admitted it was an "awesome feeling" to see his song in the charts again, Cochran added this: "We gotta get Jennifer Lopez and Ricky Martin down [to record it] and make it #1."

Some sad news: Nardwuar the Human Serviette -- frontman of the Evaporators and self-styled "guerrilla journalist" -- pulled a Bill Berry and suffered a brain hemorrhage while practicing for his Yoyo A Go Go showcase. Olympia opera singer Alaric, Lois Maffeo, and Bratmobile singer Allison Wolfe and her twin sister Cindy provided the vocals during the Evaporators' July 11 set. As of press time, Nardwuar was in stable condition and convalescing in Lion's Gate Hospital in North Vancouver, BC.