They wish! Shameful Pearl Jam apers Creed talked shit about the band they owe everything to with morning DJ/toad Andy Savage. During an interview on KNDD's popular morning show, bassist Brian Marshall scoffed at the common opinion that Creed sound a fuck of a lot like Pearl Jam, and further claimed that Eddie Vedder and company only wish they could write lyrics as good as singer (and serious Ed Vedd emulator) Scott Stapp. "Looking at [Pearl Jam's] album sales and their fans, you can just see a decline," puffed Marshall. "I think a lot of it has to do with Eddie Vedder and the grasp he has on the rest of the band. He wishes he could write lyrics like Scott." Christ on a Jell-O crutch. All I have to say is this: Without Marcia there's no Marcia's sweater!

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Touchy, touchy! None too pleased with last week's It's My Party (which revealed the Soundscan results for several Sub Pop bands) Makers frontman Mike Maker pranced into the Cha-Cha Saturday night to give me a piece of his mind. Much arguing ensued as Maker--dressed in a fabulous Mongolian lamb coat on the hottest night of the year thus far--accused me of lying about his band's record sales and meddling in other people's business. HELLO! It's My Party is a gossip column, and last time I checked my union manual, it said gossip columns are strictly about other people's business. Anyway, unable to win this particular debate (I'm a calm arguer), Maker resorted to flinging his cocktail directly into my left eye before flouncing out into the sultry night. Oh, and just to be sure I hadn't fudged the stats, I checked Soundscan again, Mike Maker. Rock Star God has sold 2,400 copies since April.

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Speaking of rock stars, a certain little Ms. Sassy gave Matchbox Twenty singer Rob Thomas an ego check at one of the three or four hundred EMP parties hosted by Paul Allen. Fortified by a few free cocktails and snacking on crackers, Ms. Sassy waltzed up to Thomas at Sit & Spin and asked, "How's it goin', Third Eye Blind?" Unamused, Thomas corrected her, after which Ms. Sassy handed the squishy singer her crackers, informing him he would be needing them later because his band was so "cheesy." Bravo on the quick thinking, honey, and I don't think it was at all fair that you were kicked out.

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And let's hear it for Eurythmics singer Annie Lennox, another Ms. Sassy, who left the stage because VH1's helicopter was chopping so loudly that she could barely hear herself sing. The Memorial Stadium crowd began to chant "Go away! Go away!" until the copter caught a clue that it was ruining the show and fucked off.

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And since this is all about other people's business, here's a quick and dirty list of who and what went down at Paul Allen's week o' parties: Dan Aykroyd jammed with Paul at Sit & Spin. Dale Chihuly tripped and fell over a guy and sent him crashing into a wall--and didn't say sorry or anything. Note to Dale: Just because you're missing an eye and make (ugly, overrated) "art," doesn't mean you can use the little people as your own personal air bags. And finally, in an amazingly shameless display of what can only be total gold digging, Showgirls star Gina Gershon--who could have practically any man in the world--is dating Paul Allen.