But sometimes it's you. You are coming into a place that requires you to act like an intelligent human. You need to pay attention to your surroundings. When we walk up to your table, don't assume we're telepathic. Communicate with us as if we're your friends, because for that hour or so, we are. Good rapport with your server isn't just good manners--it will make your dining experience much more pleasant.
We've included a few helpful hints to improve your dining experience (and ours):
1.
Come prepared (cigarettes, crayons, diapers, glasses, money, etc).
2. Please be aware that yours is not the only table in your server's section. When we ask if you're ready to order, be honest. If you are not, we promise to come back. But don't say yes, and then make us stand and wait while you stall and decide; we have other things that need urgent attention.
3. Are you vegetarian or vegan? There is a difference, and you should know it if it's your dietary preference.
4. If there is a problem with the food or service, just tell us. We are here to help. It's not like we want you to have a shitty meal. But you have to speak up.
5. Do you get cold easily? If you answered yes, then don't ask for a table near the window or door!
6. If there is something that is not on the menu, we will tell you all about it.
7. Usually more than one person at the table has needs. Need a soda refill? Need an extra napkin? Need a glass of wine with your entrée? Please try to ask us for these things at the same time. Why? See #2.
8. It is never necessary to touch your waiter. Ever.
9. No, the tip is not included on the check. If it were, it would be stated clearly on the check, or we would tell you.
10. VERBAL TIPS DON'T PAY THE RENT! Ten percent is an insult, 15 percent is standard, and 20 percent or more means you appreciate our work, and that you enjoyed yourself.
The waiters who contributed to this piece did not want to identify themselves, for fear of getting in trouble at the very well-known downtown restaurant where they all wait tables.
