Olympic Wrap-Up: I've formed a sports action committee called Women Soccer Players for the Truth. We're full of righteous venom against the United States women's Olympic soccer team for fraudulently winning the gold medal against Brazil in a 2-1 suspicious overtime victory. Women Soccer Players for the Truth will be airing a series of low-budget ads beginning in September that are meant to convey to the public the injustice of bestowing gold medals upon a team that was so unbelievably lucky. (It should be noted that WSPFTT is not affiliated in any way with the group calling itself South Korean Gymnasts Against Paul Hamm's Gold Medal for the Truth.) The women's Olympic soccer team did not play better than the Brazilians, they just got fucking lucky, and fucking luck has no right to decide the outcome of a sporting event.
It's time now to say goodbye to summer and face the shrill screeching violin music: FOOTBALL SEASON is nearly upon us. Football, like winter in Seattle, is maintained by evil spirits, so it's going to take a concerted effort from all of us to get through it without offing ourselves. I'll do my part by tearing the Seahawks a new butthole, and you do your part by sending me money so I can spend a few months in Hawaii.