My wife. What a pip. I come home to find her packing her bags. "Where are you going?" I ask. "To Las Vegas!" she says. "I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free!" So I start packing MY bags. "Where do you think you're going?" she screams. "To Las Vegas with you," I tell her. "I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year!" She's always getting angry, my wife. While helping her in the kitchen, I tell her I'm going to the living room to check the score. Two hours later my wife walks in yelling, "I thought you were just going to see the score!" And I say, "Well, the score keeps changing." But one day, my wife? She suddenly stops yelling. So I go to the doctor and say, "Doctor, my wife lost her voice. How can I help her get it back?" and the doctor replies, "Try coming home at three in the morning!" Doctors, though; always complaining about money. A plumber shows up to fix a leaky faucet at a neurosurgeon's house. After two minutes the job's complete, and the plumber demands 75 bucks. The neurosurgeon says, "I'm a surgeon and I've never charged that much." The plumber replied, "Neither did I. That's why I switched to plumbing!"