This is totally selfish. But if you ask me, Dennis Kucinich can't declare his carpetbag candidacy for Congress in Washington's 1st District soon enough.

The super-liberal congressman from Ohio is likely to lose his seat next year due to redistricting, and one of his top backup plans seems to be moving here. The latest sign: Kucinich was in Shoreline on May 22 to make organic vegan pancakes for the locals as part of a hype-building weekend.

Asked if he was planning to set up shop in Washington, Kucinich said: "I'm not at the point of making decisions. It's a big decision. Do I like this area? Of course."

Come on, Dennis! Say yes! I mean, what more could a reporter hope for?

Just think of the stories.

This is a guy who talked in a 2007 Democratic presidential candidates' debate—on national television—about having spotted a UFO right here in Washington State. (Obviously, I'd need to take a road trip to that spot, hang out under the stars, and see if I can re-create the experience myself—for the sake of journalism!)

Kucinich has also said he believes that "the interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self." (I'll be working up a sure-to-be-amazing fact-check piece on that one.)

Oh, and then there's Kucinich's paradoxical voting record. He may be the tiny little lion of the far, far left these days, but he was raised Catholic and voted against reproductive rights for much of his congressional career, making himself a darling of the National Right to Life Committee.

Nowadays, Kucinich describes himself as pro-choice, but in any race for Congress in this state, all those anti-choice votes from his not-too-distant past would need some thumbing through. (A brief tour: Kucinich voted to prevent anyone but a parent from taking a teenage girl across state lines for an abortion; he voted to ban late-term abortions completely, with no exception for the health of the mother; and he voted to make it a crime, punishable by up to two years in prison, for doctors to perform late-term abortions. That'll take a bit of explaining!)

Which is not even to mention his bombshell wife, who stands six feet tall without heels and towers over her tiny little lion at campaign events. The Daily Show, major newspapers, late-night comics—just about everyone has tried to figure out how it works between Elizabeth Kucinich, who is in her early 30s, and Dennis Kucinich, who is in his mid-60s. It clearly does work, but people will want to know more, and we'll need a local to investigate!

So, Dennis, stop dragging your feet.

This story writes itself, but only if you stop leading us ink-stained, pixel-addled assholes on. Declare already!

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