MONDAY, MARCH 30 This week of traumatized field trippers, recession-era rampages, and thrilling advances in the heart of America kicks off in Baltimore, where today a most unusual criminal case came to a fittingly odd end. At the center of the saga: Ria Ramkissoon, a 22-year-old woman who today pleaded guilty to starving her 1-year-old son to death with the help of a religious cult. As the Baltimore Sun reports, the trouble began in 2006, when Ms. Ramkissoon and her baby son Javon moved into a house with other members of 1 Mind Ministries, a religious group whose leader insisted everyone—including 15-month-old Javon—say amen before meals. When Javon failed to comply, his meals were withheld, and before long he starved to death. Today, Ramkissoon pleaded guilty to one count of child abuse resulting in death, for which she will receive a suspended 20-year sentence and serve five years probation in exchange for her testimony against four other 1 Mind members, who stand charged with first-degree murder in Javon's death. In addition to allegedly starving the boy, the cult members stored his decomposing body in a mothball-filled suitcase for over a year, with the hope that prayer would eventually resurrect the boy—a hope his mother has yet to relinquish. As part of her deal, Ramkissoon insisted that if her son returns to life, her plea will be withdrawn. (The deal also stipulates Ramkissoon's mandatory treatment by a cult-behavior expert.)

TUESDAY, MARCH 31 As all cognizant people are aware, lots of people have been killing lots of other people, after which many of these killers kill themselves, and today the Christian Science Monitor's Patrik Jonsson tried to figure out what the fuck is going on. After name-checking a handful of recent U.S. rampages—including the gunning down of four police officers in Oakland, the family-based murder-suicide in Santa Clara, and the North Carolina nursing-home massacre (but not including the rampages to come this weekend)—Jonsson asks the obvious question: Is such violence linked to the recession? Probably, say criminologists. "Most of these mass killings are precipitated by some catastrophic loss," says Jack Levin, a noted Boston criminologist. "And when the economy goes south, there are simply more of these losses."

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1 In lighter news, the week continues with April Fools' Day, which we'll celebrate by sharing the story of the hilarious charter-boat deckhand who tried to delight a group of schoolchildren by putting a baitfish in his mouth and wound up choking to death before a set of horrified underage onlookers. Details come from the Long Beach Press-Telegram, which reports the joke-turned-death occurred last week, when about 20 elementary-school students traveled from L.A. to Long Beach, where 54-year-old Jeff Twaddle, a longtime fisherman and deckhand aboard the charter boat Gale Force, tried to make students laugh by popping a small fish into his mouth. The fish lodged in Twaddle's throat and caused him to lose consciousness, after which he was officially pronounced dead at a local hospital. Condolences to the family and friends of Mr. Twaddle, about whom Last Days knows nothing beyond the fact that he deserved better than to fatally choke on a fish he put in his mouth as a joke, and to the child eyewitnesses, who were unwittingly treated to a field trip they'll never forget.

THURSDAY, APRIL 2 Nothing happened today, unless you count the near-riots that erupted in France, as police and protestors clashed on the streets of Strasbourg in advance of the two-day NATO summit starting in the city tomorrow. According to the Agence France-Presse, today's violence included the smashing of a dozen bus shelters and torching of several trash bins by masked protestors, and the teargassing of hundreds of protestors by police.

FRIDAY, APRIL 3 The week continues with another horrifying instance of what's shaping up to be 2009's hottest trend: hideous multiple murders. Today's occurred in what ABC News describes as "an upstate New York civic association building that caters to immigrants," where 41-year-old gunman Jiverly Voong backed his car up against the rear door of the building then entered through the front, unleashing a three-minute shooting rampage that left 14 people dead, including our psychotic gunman. (Noteworthy fact: the virtual nonexistence of gunwomen, though it's not like women don't kill. Case in point: Deborah Matis-Engle, the 49-year-old California woman sentenced today to six years in prison for texting while driving and causing a crash that killed 46-year-old Petra Winn. But multiple murder—that seems to be a guy thing, and we do not understand.)

SATURDAY, APRIL 4 In much better news, today we turn to the wonderful reports out of Iowa, where yesterday the state supreme court voted unanimously to overturn the state's ban on same-sex marriage. "The legislature has excluded a historically disfavored class of persons from a supremely important civil institution without a constitutionally sufficient justification," said the court in an opinion written by Justice Mark Cady. "We are firmly convinced that the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective." Also eloquently addressed: the iffy prospect of civil unions, with the court finding that "a new distinction based on sexual orientation would be equally suspect and difficult to square with the fundamental principles of equal protection embodied in our constitution." As the Des Moines Register reports, the ruling takes effect April 24 and "Iowa has no residency requirement for marriage licenses, which virtually assures a rush of applications from out-of-state visitors." Speaking of which/added bonus to all this progress: The Iowa decision brought a lovely timeliness to Last Days' own gay marriage, entered into last September in pre-Prop-8 Los Angeles, but not properly celebrated with family and friends until today, for the simple reason that asking people to travel from all over to Seattle during the October to March monsoon season seemed mean. Thus, today's arbitrary April celebration, blessed with a long-overdue sunny day and friends and family from all over tarnation, many of whom are varying degrees of Mormon (from observant to jack to ex-), all of whom are gloriously supportive of our big gay love. Thank you, Iowa Supreme Court, for unanimously confirming our right to exist, and special thanks to the wedding singers for almost killing us with joy.

••Also today: A psycho in Pittsburgh fatally shot three police officers, and a 34-year-old man in Pierce County, Washington—reportedly distressed over his estrangement from his wife—fatally shot his five children and then himself. "This was not a tragedy," said Pierce County sheriff Paul Pastor. "It was a rotten murder. This appears to be the terrible work of the biological father. If that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what does."

SUNDAY, APRIL 5 Nothing happened today, unless you count another glorious day of sun and an even more glorious lack of U.S. massacres.

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