MONDAY, JULY 13 This week of wise Latinas, heroic Sisters, and crime-inspiring fiction kicks off with a study confirming the painkilling properties of cussing. "Swearing has been around for centuries and is an almost universal human linguistic phenomenon," said British researcher Richard Stephens to Reuters. Along with his Keele University colleagues, Stephens set out to establish the link between swearing and physical pain. Their method, as explicated in the journal NeuroReport: Round up 64 volunteer test subjects and have them shove their hands in tubs of ice water while repeating the cuss word of their choice. Then repeat the experiment with subjects using "a more commonplace word that they would use to describe a table." Researchers discovered that cussing subjects were able to keep their hands in the ice water longer than subjects describing tables, establishing "a link between swearing and an increase in pain tolerance." "What is clear is that swearing triggers not only an emotional response, but a physical one too," Stephens told Reuters. Congratulations and thanks to all the researchers for confirming the existence of this totally free opiate.

TUESDAY, JULY 14 The week continues with day number two of confirmation hearings for Sonia Sotomayor, the 55-year-old federal judge poised to become President Obama's first Supreme Court appointee and the nation's first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. The official grilling of Sotomayor will continue through Thursday, with a parade of bitchy and condescending Republicans, softball-lobbing Democrats, jilted firefighters, accusations of both liberalism and racism, and more mentions of the phrase "wise Latina" than anyone would care to count.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 15 History buffs will undoubtedly recall the Memorial Day Blast of 2009, wherein a homemade explosive device was detonated outside a Manhattan Starbucks, breaking windows and scorching a wall but blessedly causing no injuries. Today brings a first step toward resolution, as New York City police announced the arrest of the blast's alleged mastermind: 17-year-old Kyle Shaw, who reportedly told police he was trying to emulate Tyler Durden, the corporation- blasting sociopath at the center of Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club. As Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly told the Associated Press, Shaw apparently told at least one friend to "watch the news over Memorial Day" because he was about to launch his own version of "project mayhem." Last night, Shaw was arrested at his parents' Chelsea apartment on charges of arson, criminal possession of a weapon, and criminal mischief. After pleading not guilty on all counts, Shaw will be released on $300,000 bail. For now, muted congratulations to Chuck Palahniuk, whose Fight Club joins The Catcher in the Rye, the Bible, and the Koran on the short list of fictional works that have inspired real crime.

THURSDAY, JULY 16 The week continues with a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit–worthy mystery out of Kent, Washington, courtesy of the still-kicking-and-thank-God Seattle Post-Intelligencer. As the P-I reports, today's saga commenced when a 45-year-old disabled woman residing at a Kent assisted-living facility had a mysterious miscarriage. With the blind, mute, and disabled woman unable to identify who had impregnated her, police compared a DNA sample from the fetal tissue with DNA samples from the 11 men who'd "been in a position to have sexual contact with the woman." Prosecutors soon found a 99.99 percent match to 32-year-old former facility worker Joseph Thurura. And today in King County Superior Court, Thurura was found guilty of second-degree rape, for which he faces between six and a half and eight and a half years in prison.

FRIDAY, JULY 17 Nothing happened today, unless you count the last day on earth for Walter Cronkite, the legendary CBS newsman who died today at age 92, or the next to last day in Seattle for various international orders of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, whom we'll deal with tomorrow.

SATURDAY, JULY 18 The week continues with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the international organization of ambitious, big-hearted drag queens—represented locally by the Abbey of St. Joan—devoted "to community service, ministry, and outreach to those on the edges, and to promoting human rights, respect for diversity, and spiritual enlightenment," as their mission statement puts it. This week brought the Sisters' 2009 International Conclave to Seattle, six days of glittery celebration and philanthropy that commenced with Monday morning's Madison Park baptism and continued through this afternoon's nun-packed ride on the Ducks. Tonight, the week's festivities wrapped up with the Sisters' Anniversary Grants Party at the Cuff, where the Sisterhood gave out thousands of dollars to various charities and one solo Sister did her part to fight crime. Details on the crime-fighting nun subplot come from Hot Tipper Brad, who was visiting the Bank of America on East Madison Street tonight when he saw a woman accidentally leave her ATM card in the machine, after which a panhandling man raced to the ATM to use the deserted card to withdraw a bunch of cash. When the lost card's owner returned to the ATM, she found the robbery in progress, and both she and Hot Tipper Brad confronted the man, who took off running. As Brad reports, "My friends went one way, and the woman and I went the other way, and we joined up, cornering the man in the Cuff parking lot. Thanks to one gigantic, mysterious Sister of Perpetual Indulgence, we were able to hold the man against a car until the police arrived. The woman got her money back, along with her stolen ATM card." Bless you, Sisters.

SUNDAY, JULY 19 In much worse news: The week ends absolutely horrifically, as early this morning in Seattle's South Park neighborhood two women were brutally attacked in their home by a man who entered the house as they slept and attacked the sleeping women with a knife. As the Seattle Times reports, a 40-year-old woman died from her stab wounds and a 37-year-old woman was rushed to Harborview Medical Center in critical condition. The still-at-large attacker is described as a black man in his late 20s or early 30s, about six feet tall, with a thin muscular build and a thin mustache. Condolences to all, and stay tuned.

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