MONDAY, APRIL 14 This week of good progress, bad drivers, and brutally morbid Easter egg hunts kicks off in the densely populated but physically nonexistent world of cyberspace, where today brought a Twitter conversation for the ages. As the New York Daily News reports, the conversation began with a Twitter post by a woman identified as "Elle," who complained about the US Airways flight delay that left her and others sitting in an unmoving plane on the airport tarmac for an hour. A short while later, US Airways responded with its own tweet: "We welcome feedback, Elle. If your travel is complete, you can detail it here for review and follow-up." The tweet closed with a link to what Elle presumed would be the form for "review and follow-up," but was instead a photograph of a naked woman with a toy plane jutting out of her vagina. Soon after, the image was deleted from the US Airways Twitter feed and replaced with a statement: "We apologize for an inappropriate image recently shared as a link in one of our responses. We've removed the tweet and are investigating." Congratulations and thanks to all who helped make this perfectly 21st-century hubbub occur.
TUESDAY, APRIL 15 In an odd turn of events for a Tuesday, nothing happened today, unless you count all the people racing to finish their taxes and/or appreciate the lunar-eclipse-enabled "blood moon."
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16 Today we turn to Tennessee, for the first of this week's two stories involving Easter eggs and death. Details come from CNN, which reports a West Knoxville mother and her 4-year-old son were enjoying an Easter egg hunt in their backyard when they encountered a very bad smell. "The woman told police she had been hunting for the source of a foul odor for several days," reports CNN. "She had looked around for what was causing it a few times, but did not see anything." But tonight, the woman's search finally turned up the source of the smell: the human corpse decomposing under her deck. "Police say the dead body was beneath the deck for at least a week," reports CNN. "The remains were decomposed so much that they couldn't get fingerprints or tell much of anything about the person other than it was a man who had on all of his clothes." Police later identified the man as a 29-year-old homeless individual who, according to the Associated Press, "suffered from a medical condition that could have led to his death."
THURSDAY, APRIL 17 In better news, the week continues with the heartening story of Charles Cooper, aptly characterized by the Associated Press as "the lawyer who argued before the Supreme Court in favor of upholding California's ban on gay marriage, [who] learned while he was handling the case that one of his children is gay and now is helping her plan her wedding with another woman." Props to Mr. Cooper, who joins former vice president Dick Cheney and Ohio senator Rob Portman in the lightly irritating but completely necessary Hall of People Who Softened Their Bigoted Views Once the Bigotry Affected Their Own Lives. "In June, Cooper's daughter plans to marry her partner in Massachusetts, one of 17 states plus the District of Columbia where same-sex marriage is legal," reports the AP. In a statement, Cooper said: "My daughter Ashley's path in life has led her to happiness with a lovely young woman named Casey, and our family and Casey's family are looking forward to celebrating their marriage in just a few weeks." Congratulations to all.
FRIDAY, APRIL 18 In stupider news, the week continues in Sequim, where a pair of doofuses staged a fake kidnapping. Details on the prank abduction—which went down last weekend—come from the Associated Press: "Police are investigating possible charges against people who staged a fake kidnapping in a park, terrifying parents and children who thought it was real. Onlookers in the park watched as a minivan with two masked men pull[ed] up and one man jumped out, grabbed a toddler and took off. He was the boy's father. He later returned and explained the incident was recorded to create a video for social media on child abduction prevention and awareness." This explanation did little to calm the incident's freaked-out witnesses: "I was shaking and bawling when I was running," said Tiffany Barnett, who chased the van for about a block, trying to get the license plate number. Learning the incident was staged "was like a big slap in the face," she told the AP. Yesterday, the two men who claim to have staged the fake abduction posted video of the event to YouTube and apologized "to who ever was at the park... We made this video to help prevent and to show how real an abduction can be," as the text that accompanies the video says. "We needed real reactions and didn't mean to harm anyone." Sequim city attorney Craig Ritchie told the Peninsula Daily News that charges would not be filed, saying, "Scaring the hell out of people is not, as far as I can determine, a crime."
SATURDAY, APRIL 19 The week continues in Seattle, where tonight an out-of-control driver in a dark BMW "steered onto a Capitol Hill sidewalk and nearly smashed through a crowd of people," reports KOMO. The scene of the near-tragedy: the sidewalk at Broadway and Harrison, where photographer Tim Durkan was walking with his camera when he saw the BMW jump the curb and barrel toward him. "Durkan says the driver nearly killed him, and came dangerously close to other pedestrians," KOMO reports. "The car came within inches of [Durkan], who spun around and snapped pictures he hopes will help police." In an exceedingly lucky turn of events, no one was hurt.
SUNDAY, APRIL 20 We close with the week's second story from the spiritually appropriate intersection of happy Easter fun-time and grisly death. Today's setting: the backyard of a home in Sewell, New Jersey, where a family was enjoying its annual Easter egg hunt until a skydiver with a failed parachute fell from the sky, smashed into the ground, and died. "Arkady Shenker, 49, wore a specialized parachute known as a 'wing suit,' which allows a skydiver to move forward while descending," reports Philadelphia's NBC 10. "It is unclear whether the suit opened properly... Its functionality will be investigated by federal authorities."