MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 The week kicks off with an alarming sighting reported by Hot Tipper Subi, who returned to her residence around 1:00 this morning to the mysterious sounds of a baby crying. "At first I thought I was just hearing it in my head," writes Subi. "So I got out of my car and listened--definitely a baby crying." Returning to her car, Subi turned on her headlights, illuminating the naked, crying child on the sidewalk. "I ran over to give the kid a hug for warmth, then called out to my boyfriend, who wrapped the kid in his jacket. We walked around, asking the kid where his apartment was, but only got sobs. Eventually a neighbor lady came out in a bathrobe, and helped us find a nearby screen door, through which we could see the light of a TV and a sleeping man inside. We woke him up and asked him if the child was his. After staring at the kid for a moment, he realized yes, this was his kid. As we left, the kid was still crying. I'm contemplating calling Child Protective Services, but I guessit's understandable that the kid walked out and couldn't find his way back...." Dear Subi: Last Days understands the drive for optimistic rationalizations. But it is not understandable for a naked child to be wandering the streets at night. Call CPS, and thanks for sharing.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 As American forces bombed the poop out of Fallujah (home to a suspected hideout for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's militant terrorists), authorities in Lynnwood fought a battle of their own, re-arresting a registered sex offender who allegedly struck again. KING 5 reports that Thomas Griffith Quinn, a 33-year-old Lynnwood man who registered as a Level 2 sex offender after pleading guilty to sexually assaulting two 7-year-old girls in 1993, was arrested again today after allegedly taking indecent liberties with a 15-year-old fellow resident at the Newcourt Condominiums. Lucky for all, the alleged victim was able to identify her alleged attacker via easily recognizable flyers posted around the housing complex. Thomas Quinn remains held on $250,000 bail.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 For the past however many thousand years, Last Days has paid the rent by reporting the mind-bending, soul-crushing, and occasionally hilarious fuck-ups of others. But today we turn our bitch-ray inward to address the array of mistakes that have stunk up this column of late, beginning with a complaint from reader Daniel, whose e-mail deals not so much with a mistake but an omission: "It was with a twisted mixture of shock and dismay that I searched and failed to find any reference to poor Macaulay Culkin's run-in with the Oklahoma State Police on September 17," writes Daniel. "Such an omission from your otherwise-informative column is a grave disservice to your loyal readership." Dear Daniel: We apologize for the omission. Dear everyone else: Macaulay Culkin got busted for pot possession while driving through Oklahoma on September 17. Elsewhere, several readers wrote in to politely correct our facts on Malawi, identified in last week's story about the ax-murdering pot head as a "southern African town," when it is actually a southern African country. Finally and most importantly, reader Stacy wrote in to contest our glib dismissal of the deportation of Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens, whom we've habitually shunned since learning of his support of the Islamic fatwa against Salman Rushdie. As it turns out, Islam/Stevens' alleged support of said fatwa is nothing but a big, fat, fun-to-repeat lie. Whoops, apologies, admission is the first step to recovery.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 Today brought some long-awaited great news, starting with the U.S. House of Representatives' failure to muster the two-thirds majority needed to pass a proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Then came the first presidential debate, in which John Kerry, his yammy tan toned down to a humane beige, came off as cool, smart, articulate, and nuanced without being boring, while Dubya continued his bloodless impersonation of a retarded monkey. But all good feeling was obliterated by the heartbreaking scene that unfolded in western Baghdad, where a neighborhood celebration for the opening of a new sewage system coincided with the passing of a U.S. convoy. As American soldiers offered the celebrating Iraqi children candy, three bombs exploded, killing 42 people (35 of which were children) and wounding 141 others, including 10 U.S. soldiers.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 1 Today was a funky Xerox of yesterday: one part uplifting progress (Spain's passage of a draft law that will extend the country's marriage and adoption rights to same-sex couples), one part explosive violence (the U.S. and Iraqi strike against the insurgent stronghold of Samarra, which killed more than 100 insurgents and at least one American). Also: After a week of tiny continuous earthquakes, today Mount St. Helens mildly blew her lid, emitting a puff of smoke that made headlines around the world and dispersed within 20 minutes.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 2 Nothing happened today (unless you count the thousands of women who packed into KeyArena for day number two of Just Give Me Jesus!, the Christian women's revival conceived and hosted by Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of the Rev. Billy Graham, and spokesmodel for Jesus, whom Lotz implores her audience to accept as their personal savior).
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 3 The week ends with a sad thump, with the discovery of a 73-year-old Mercer Island man found lying on the shoulder of westbound Interstate 90 beneath the Shorewood overpass shortly after 7:00 a.m. this morning. "A preliminary investigation suggests that the subject jumped from the overpass in an apparent suicide attempt," said the Mercer Island Police Department to the Seattle Times. The Sunday jumper was transported to Harborview Medical Center, where he shortly after died.
-- Finally, the week ends with the uniquely urban experience of Hot Tipper Nick, who wrote to share his bemusement at being spare-changed by a man who was actively urinating. "I didn't give him anything," says Nick of the panhandling multitasker.
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