Dear readers: For years, Last Days has illustrated a few of each week's news items with more-or-less relevant photo images. For example, last week's news item about Bea Arthur was accompanied by a photo of Bea Arthur. However, this week's news is so thoroughly dominated by horror—two psychotic massacres, one killer storm—that we've decided to forgo themed images for peppy visual pick-me-ups. Enjoy.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2 This week of ridiculously extensive horror and lighthearted visual analgesics kicks off with today's relatively benign story of Brian Schroeder, aka the 26-year-old Harvard Law School graduate whose legal ambitions and devotion to human rights might forever be obliterated by his status as the guy who got so drunk he doesn't remember allegedly setting fire to a New York City chapel containing the remains of 9/11 victims. As police told the New York Daily News, authorities believe the damaging but nondeadly fire was the result of "a drunken prank," and while Schroeder turned himself in to police last Friday, he doesn't seem to know any more about his motive than anyone else. "I just cannot imagine, nor can he, why he would have done that," said Schroeder's mom to the News, insisting that her son doesn't remember how or why he came to be a 9/11-memorial-targeting arsonist. And while his motives may be mysterious, the results of his actions are tangible: Schroeder had been offered a job at the New York office of Sidley Austin—the nation's seventh largest law firm—but this morning the offer was officially rescinded. (Not only is alleged arson conduct unbecoming of a lawyer, Sidley Austin had 600 employees in the north tower of the World Trade Center on 9/11.) Released on $3,000 bail last night, Schroeder's due back in court to face charges on January 11.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3 The week continues with Election Day 2009, a combo platter of horror and delight in which the marriage-equality-hating majority in Maine rebranded their state as the Alabama of the North and Washington State voters did almost everything right, including but not limited to: approving extended domestic-partnership rights for the state's same-sex couples, subjecting terrifying politi-bot Susan Hutchison to a humiliating defeat at the hands of Dow Constantine, handing Tim Eyman his idiotic ass on a platter, and picking bearish heartthrob Mike McGinn for mayor of Seattle over T-Mobile representative Joe Mallahan. Congratulations to all.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4 Today brings another schadenfreude-packed update on Carrie Prejean, the controversially deposed, ostentatiously "Christian" Miss California who continues to delight. The week before last, we learned about the lawsuit filed against Prejean by the Miss California USA Pageant, seeking reimbursement for the boob job it bought Prejean prior to the Miss USA pageant. Today brings an elliptically sordid update on the ongoing legal battle from TMZ .com: "Prejean demanded more than a million dollars during her settlement negotiations with Miss California USA Pageant officials—that is, until the lawyer for the Pageant showed Carrie an XXX home video of her handiwork. The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly... Let's just say, Carrie has a promising solo career." (Last Days' translation: The would-be Carrie Prejean sex tape features our little angel jilling off for a webcam.) Back to TMZ: "We're told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away with nothing. As we first reported, the Pageant is paying around $100,000 to her lawyers and publicist—a fraction of her bills. She pockets nothing in the settlement." Thank you, Jesus.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5 We continue with the first of the week's two psychotic massacres. Psychotic massacre number one took place today in Killeen, Texas, where today a U.S. Army psychiatrist preempted his upcoming deployment to Afghanistan by opening fire on a crowd of young soldiers at Fort Hood, killing 13 people and wounding 29 others. As witnesses told authorities, the alleged gunman—39-year-old Major Nidal Malik Hasan of Virginia—"appeared calm" and shouted "Allahu akbar!" (Arabic for "God is great") before commencing his rampage. As ABC News reports, the carnage was brought to a halt by Sergeant Kimberly Munley, a civilian cop and a mother of two, who was wounded in both legs and her wrist during the close-range gunfight that ultimately left Hasan in critical condition. Tomorrow, Hasan will be transferred to a San Antonio medical center where his condition will be upgraded to stable. Follow-up investigation into Hasan's alleged Muslim extremism and/or harassment over his Muslim faith will prove inconclusive and contradictory, so let's close with hard facts from the Associated Press: "The dead included a pregnant woman who was preparing to return home, a man who quit a furniture company job to join the military about a year ago, a newlywed who had served in Iraq, and a woman who had vowed to take on Osama bin Laden after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks." Condolences to all.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 6 Nothing happened today, unless you count another gun-wielding psycho going on another murderous rampage. Today's rampage location: Orlando, Florida, where today 40-year-old Jason Rodriguez returned to the consulting firm that fired him two years prior and allegedly opened fire, shooting one person dead and wounding five others. Rodriguez ended the day in police custody after a citywide manhunt tracked him to his mother's apartment, where he was apprehended. Tomorrow, Rodriguez will be charged with first-degree murder and five counts of attempted murder.

••Meanwhile in Seattle: Thousands of people packed into KeyArena to honor Timothy Brenton, the Seattle police officer assassinated in the Central District last Saturday. As Brenton's memorial winded down, things were heating up in Tukwila, where homicide investigators descended on the apartment of 41-year-old Christopher Monfort, a suspect in the shooting who pulled a gun on investigators and was promptly shot. Monfort will end today in Seattle's Harborview Medical Center, where he'll be listed in critical condition. On Monday, police will announce their discovery of ballistic and DNA evidence linking Monfort to Officer Brenton's murder scene. Again, condolences to all and stay tuned.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 7 Nothing happened today, unless you count the House of Representatives' passage of sweeping health-care reform legislation, which now faces a ferocious battle in the Senate.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 8 The week ends with the aforementioned killer storm, as a burst of deadly weather (initially and incorrectly identified as Hurricane Ida) killed at least 140 people in floods and mudslides in El Salvador.

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