MONDAY, JANUARY 23 The week kicks off with a report from United Press International, the first line of which summed it up: "It took more than six hours for anyone to realize that a 64-year-old Brooklyn man had died on a New York City subway train." Details come from the New York Daily News: After an eight-hour shift at the post office, 64-year-old mail handler Eugene Reilly boarded a Brooklyn-bound train around 1:00 a.m. last Thursday. Then came the fatal heart attack that wrenched Reilly from this mortal coil while leaving him upright, with six hours passing before a curious commuter touched Reilly's shoulder and discovered the morbid truth. City transit officials say the key to the loitering corpse was Eugene Reilly's uprightness, even in death. "The policy is that if someone is sitting up, employees are not allowed to touch them," said transit spokeswoman Deirdre Parker to the New York Daily News. "People sleep on the train all the time," added another official. "No one thought anything of it."

TUESDAY, JANUARY 24 Speaking of the New York Daily News: Today the li'l paper that could again fought its way to the top of the news heap, offering scientific proof that today is the worst day of the year. For proof, British psychologist Cliff Arnall cited an avalanche of evidence testifying to the singular suckiness of January 24, including but not limited to the day's distance from Christmas (too far to look forward to next year's, with many citizens still mired in the debt of last year's); failed New Year's resolutions (with an excess of smoking, drinking, and overeating); and a uniquely bleak horizon, with no three-day weekends, just one unreliable holiday, plus tax forms and crap weather. In Seattle, the worst day of the year was commemorated with a mysterious, citywide stink. Described by victims as "brown" and "poo-like," the stink quickly led investigators to its source: the Lake City Regulator, a sewage facility in the University District designed to control the odor of wastewater running from Lake City to Magnolia. As county officials told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, the trouble likely began when the system became flooded with wastewater. (Did Bartell Drugs have a sale on home colonics? Or did everyone just poo twice on the same day?) Whatever the cause, the surplus of wastewater left no room for the water's attendant stink, which burst forth from the pipes, befouling nostrils across the city and inspiring over 70 phone calls to the fire department. (What were they going to do? Light a humongous match?) As 11:59 p.m. turned to midnight, the city sighed, and the annual Day of Crap, literal and figurative, came to an end.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 Speaking of crappy days: Today all assumptions regarding the shortcomings of life were upended by a mindfucking saga out of Florida, where today a car containing seven kids—a collection of siblings and cousins ranging in age from 15 years old to 20 months old—was struck by a tractor-trailer, which slammed the kid-packed car against a stopped school bus, killing all seven passengers. Sending the tragedy into the stratosphere: The victims' grandfather, 62-year-old William Scott, who responded to news of the crash by having a massive and fatal heart attack. "He lost all seven of his grandchildren," said surviving daughter/aunt/mother Barbara Mann to CNN. "I can't deal with this."

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26 In farther-away news: Today brought a tectonic-plate-shifting election in the Palestinian Territories, where the four-decade rule of the Fatah Party ended after a thoroughly unexpected Hamas landslide. Of Palestine's 132 parliament seats, a whopping 76 were claimed by Hamas, while the Fatah Party garnered only 43. The problem: Hamas's rejection of a Jewish state in the Islamic Middle East, and occasional proclamations about "wiping Israel of the map." After the election, acting Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni urged the international community not to legitimize a Palestinian government led by Hamas; by day's end, the U.S. and a number of European nations announced that any support for the Hamas-led government is contingent on Hamas's renunciation of violence and withdrawal of its promise to destroy Israel. "If your platform is the destruction of Israel, it means you're not a partner in peace," said President Bush to the new Hamas government, through the Associated Press. "And we're interested in peace."

FRIDAY, JANUARY 27 The week continues with a monumentally exciting day for the gays and those who love them. First up: the Seattle City Council's selection of former council aide/AIDS lobbyist Sally Clark to fill the council's vacant seat. As we wrote on the Slog, Ms. Clark has been distinguishing herself as a multipurpose good egg since we first landed in these parts, and her placement on the city council should prove to be a winning development for all involved. But not even the appointment of a smart, accomplished, and humanely savvy lesbian to the city council could compare with the noontime thrills out of Olympia, where after 30 fucking years of trying, the "gay civil rights bill"—prohibiting discrimination against gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people in housing, employment, and financial transactions—was passed by the state legislature. Hero supreme: Representative Ed Murray, who devoted the past decade of his life to seeing this bill become law, and deserves to one day have a name-park as lovely as Cal Anderson's. Underdog hero: Senator Bill Finkbeiner, the single Republican to support the bill, which Finkbeiner did most eloquently, explaining to his Republican colleagues how he came to see the light on the need for gay equality, and meticulously debunking every conservative argument against the legislation. Rodeo clown: Senator Bob Oke, the Port Orchard Republican who boasted of rejecting his lesbian daughter ("That's called tough love") while making repeated reference to "the homosexually lifestyle." What's next: the backlash, with a number of gay-rights opponents threatening a ballot referendum to overturn today's decision in the November election. (Chief among the villains: Tim fucking Eyman, whose unique brand of loathsomeness we'll deal with more extensively next week.) For now: "There is no taking away from this moment," as Ed Murray told The Stranger's man in Olympia Eli Sanders. "A group of elected legislators did the courageous thing and legislated that discrimination against gays and lesbians and transgendered people is wrong."

SATURDAY, JANUARY 28 Speaking of wrong: Today brings a thrilling tale of cyberporn, soldiers, and alleged gay-for-payism. Details come from the Associated Press, which reports that military officials are investigating claims that members of the Army's prestigious 82nd Airborne Division appear in (homo)sexually compromising positions on a pornographic website. (While the AP declined to name the site, we can tell you it's called ActiveDuty.com.) Glorious irony: the question of whether the soldiers' gay-for-pay actions violated the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, which allows for homosexual feelings but forbids homosexual action. As a Defense Department spokesman told the AP, "We define homosexual conduct as homosexual acts or verbal or nonverbal communication that a member is homosexual," which suggests the fraternal frolicking on ActiveDuty.com might spell career ruin for a handful of "otherwise straight" soldiers. Stay tuned.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 29 Nothing happened today, unless you count the city's impassioned sendoff for the Seattle Seahawks, who are off to Detroit in advance of clobbering the shit out of whomever the hell they're playing in next week's Super Bowl.

Trent Taylor, please contact me. Everyone else, send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.