MONDAY, MARCH 13 The week begins with a thrilling tale of anti-abortion thuggishness on Seattle public transit. This morning an astute Hot Tipper was riding the #48 Metro in the U-District when he noticed tensions rising between two fellow passengers: a pretty young woman seated near the front of the bus, and a "normal-looking" middle-aged man who repeatedly stormed from his seat in the rear to harass her. First the man taunted the woman with allusions to her cold heart and thirst for blood; when the belligerent man moved on to spewing a variety of statistics, our eyewitness realized that the man was a vehement anti-abortionist and the woman a worker at a nearby women's clinic. Throughout the attack, the lady kept her composure, calmly offering to discuss the issue with the man (who, our Hot Tipper noticed, wielded a Bible). But the noisy man would not be placated, eventually spewing his spite at our Hot Tipper (after he bravely told the man to mind his own business), and even (inexplicably) at The Stranger, which the Bibleman denounced as "a piece of perverse trash." Thankfully, the Metro driver soon intervened, calling the cops on the out-of-control Christian and booting his noisy ass out on the street.

··Speaking of assholes, here's wishing a happy birthday to Uranus. On this day in 1781, German astronomer William Herschel discovered the seventh planet from the sun (and the first to be discovered with a telescope). Originally named Georgium Sidus in honor of King George III of England, the planet was later renamed Uranus to conform with the classical mythology-derived names of the other planets, and to provide stupid columnists with cheap-shot segues.

TUESDAY, MARCH 14 If there's one way to cultivate an appreciation of the unrepentantly fucked-up USA, it's to expose yourself to the even greater fucked-upness of everywhere else. Today the Los Angeles Times fostered grudging patriotism in feminists of both genders by reporting on Jordan's "honor killings," the horrifyingly common (and typically unpunished) practice of men in certain Islamic countries of butchering female relatives for the nebulous crime of "bringing shame upon the family." Never mind that the murdered women's "shameful deeds" often consist of nothing more than speaking to a male neighbor or nothing less than being raped; the Jordanian government has repeatedly refused to stiffen penalties for honor killers (who usually serve less than a year for their crimes), claiming that cracking down on such killings would encourage women to misbehave and undermine Islamic family values. The Jordan situation is an abomination no matter how you slice it; still, it makes one grateful to live in a country that expresses its hatred of women in less ostentatiously violent ways, rejecting outright murder in favor of diminished wages, overpriced tampons, and multiple Emmys for Ally McBeal.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15 The psychotic thirst for blood rampaging through the nation's schools came frighteningly close to home today, as two middle-school students -- a 12-year-old Port Townsend boy and a 14-year-old Port Ludlow girl -- were charged with conspiracy to commit murder in an alleged plot to blast the shit out of Chimacum Middle School. The plot came to light when a classmate overheard the boy making arrangements to obtain guns and ammo from a gang in Tacoma. An ensuing investigation revealed that the boy planned to gun down students, teachers, and school administrators in a rampage meant to avenge some unspecified wrong, and that the girl made improvements to the boy's plan, suggesting the use of silencers on the guns and the cutting of phone lines at the school. If convicted of the conspiracy charges, the kids face up to nine years in prison. In the meantime, yay for that perky-eared, tattletale classmate.

THURSDAY, MARCH 16 Today a brand new Stranger hit the streets -- and 50 million vegetarians hit the roof. Less than an hour after distribution of our "Murderously Delicious Tribute to Meat," phone calls and e-mails from irate veg-heads, feminists, and animal-rights activists began pouring in. Some denounced Dan Savage for including dogs and cats in his guide to catching and killing your own meat (stomach-churning, yes, but should cuteness really qualify as a reprieve from the slaughterhouse?); others took a more general tack, condemning the paper for daring to celebrate an activity that spreads disease, promotes violence, and wastes natural resources. All of the letters inspired Last Days' bemused consternation, and put the selective morality of everyone on entertaining display. As a vegetarian of 16 years standing (yes, yes, admire our shiny halo), Last Days has no interest in defending the eating of meat; as a proponent of free speech and an admirer of uncomfortable entertainment, we have plenty of interest in defending the Meat Issue, which we found to be disgusting, and admirably honest in its disgustingness. "Yes, meat is murder," the issue made clear, "but it's also yummy!" -- a far more truthful statement than one will ever receive from the Beef Council, the USDA, or Ronald McDonald. Last Days thanks the many furiously non-violent vegetarians for voicing their bloodthirsty opinions, and urges them to save their self-aggrandizing indignation for a more suitable forum.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17 Finally, some good news: Today Smith & Wesson -- the nation's largest handgun maker -- agreed to sweeping new safety measures intended to control the sale and use of their weapons. Among the new safety procedures (reported by Reuters): the installation of safety locks on handguns, the addition of "smart gun" technology to new guns to prevent unauthorized use, and the refusal to sell at any gun show where background checks for buyers are not performed -- a vast improvement on former gun-show criteria, in which interested buyers were required to produce only three Pokémon cards and sing at least two verses of "The Hokey Pokey" before purchase.

SATURDAY, MARCH 18 Today The New York Times featured an absolutely fascinating story on the CIA's dabblings in the American entertainment industry. In her new book, The Cultural Cold War: The CIA and the World of Arts and Letters (to be published in the U.S. next month), author Frances Stonor Saunders reveals how, among many other suspect deeds, the CIA snapped up the rights to George Orwell's Animal Farm in order to change the novel's original, ambiguous ending into an explicitly anti-Communist message in the 1955 animated film version. A creepy use of a federal agency (and federal funds), to be sure, but hardly an isolated incident. Other Saunders bombshells include the CIA's conspicuous placement of affluent-looking African Americans as extras in films (to counter Soviet criticism of the American race problem), and the insertion of a series of "goofy Gulag" gags into The Dick Van Dyke Show.

SUNDAY, MARCH 19 Today was pretty.

Have you seen a well-dressed man chasing his toupee down a windy street? How about a particularly interesting bit of graffiti? Or maybe two cats mating on the hood of an Acura while the Commodores' "Three Times a Lady" blasts from a nearby apartment? Then you, my friend, have a Hot Tip! Send yours to lastdays@thestranger.com or phone the 24-hour Hot Tip Hotline at 323-7101 ext. 3113.