The man is buried, public grieving has abated, and a successor has been chosen. Now it's time for the final chapter of the John Stanford memorial saga: the bestowing of the name. Today The Seattle Times reported on the "flood" of requests pouring in to the Seattle School Board seeking permission to use the late superintendent's name on everything from a national education award (approved) to a high-tech summer camp and a memorial tree grove (approval pending). "Our only goal is to ensure that (selected endorsements are) something that Pat Stanford and John's sons are comfortable with," said school spokesperson Trevor Neilson. Currently under consideration: the slapping of Stanford's name on the planned Seattle Downtown Library--an idea enthusiastically supported by school district officials, the Stanford family, and Mayor Paul Schell, who, according to one insider, has been "quietly lobbying" the library's Board of Trustees to approve the measure. Among the rejected proposals: "John Stanford" unisex cologne, "Superintendent's Special" non-stick cookware, and the renaming of a Norwegian inlet as "the Stanfjord."
Happy 74th Birthday to Edward Gorey, the American writer/illustrator whose classic collection "The Gashlycrumb Tinies" taught an entire generation how to laugh at the death of children.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 23
Hundreds of capitalists from the Northwest and beyond poured into downtown Seattle today to attend annual shareholders meetings of two American giants: Disney and Starbucks. Disney's high-tech bash at the Fifth Avenue was the hotter ticket (hundreds of folks lined up hours in advance) and the glitzier show (with splashy movie previews and dozens of roving Disney characters, including Mickey, Mulan, and Michael Eisner). But Starbucks held their own with snazzier digs (Benaroya Hall) and better news (a forthcoming 2-for-1 stock split). Starbucks coffee was served at both functions. Also: In their unrelenting quest to establish themselves as the Northwest's "alternative" news source, tonight Q13 News broadcast "Eye Candy or Eye Sore?" a feature segment exploring the sexy underworld of Seattle drag and featuring the ever-fabulous Chocha Fresca (whose name was changed to "ChaCha Fresca" after producers balked at airing the Spanish phrase for "fresh pussy"). Q13's broadcast is still a mess, but the "Drag 101" piece was a lurid treat, and the station employs the only newscasters in town you'd want to see naked.
And happy would-be 131st birthday to butt-kicking American sociologist and writer W.E.B. DuBois.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24
A Night at the Grammys. Tonight the least respected award in the world gained perhaps a wee bit of credibility by honoring some truly righteous folk (Lucinda Williams, the Beastie Boys, someone named "Madonna") alongside the usual idiots (Celine Dion, Lenny Kravitz.) But the night belonged to the beautiful and talented overachiever Lauryn Hill, who won a record five awards, thanking God and reading from the Bible during her acceptance speeches. (Last Days would like to commend God for taking time out of His busy schedule to participate in the Grammy voting.) However, earlier in the day, the noble Ms. Hill received a way-less-than-honorable mention on the radio show of Washington D.C. shock jock Doug "The Greaseman" Tracht. On his morning show, the Greaseman played a segment of Hill's hit "Doo Wop," then announced, "No wonder people drag them behind trucks"-a reference to the grisly murder in Jasper, Texas of James Byrd. But following Wednesday's shame came Thursday's justice: James Byrd's killer received the death penalty, and Doug "The Greaseman" Tracht received his walking papers.
Happy 78th Birthday to legendary Barney Miller and Fish actor Abe Vigoda.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 25
In the middle of a rainy winter, nothing picks up the spirits like a good story about a police sting. Today 38 Snohomish County scofflaws (primarily drunk drivers and wife beaters) were apprehended in an operation conducted by the Snohomish County Sheriff's Office, the State Patrol, and Lynnwood police. According to The Seattle Times, the sting began with letters sent to 4,000 residents with outstanding arrest warrants, offering three free pairs of shoes to those willing to complete marketing surveys for the (phony) Seattle company Gorst Manufacturing. Upon arriving for their appointments at a South Everett hotel, suspects were asked to show ID before being led to "the room with the shoes," where they were promptly frisked and handcuffed by undercover officers. Several of the suspects were carrying drugs and could now face additional charges. Said one sting victim, arrested for a $2,500 disorderly conduct warrant, "I just wanted the shoes."
Happy 56th Birthday to lovable George Harrison and loathsome Sally Jessy Raphael.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26
Today the United States wagged its finger at China, Serbia, and Afghanistan's Taliban Muslim rulers with the release of its annual human rights report. Covering 194 countries, the 5,000-page report most vigorously denounced the Taliban, for their public amputations and executions (carried out every Friday in Kabul's sports stadium) and for their diabolical treatment of women (which the report called "perhaps the most severe abuse of women's rights in the world"). Runner-up: NATO ally Turkey, for torture, harassment of the press, and intolerance toward the Kurdish minority. Countries targeted in the report quickly issued replies to and denials of the charges, while critics condemned the U.S.'s own grievous human rights violations: the death penalty, police brutality, and the unrestricted release of the film Patch Adams.
Happy 59th Birthday to Last Days father Walter Schmader, who was once arrested for running a frozen cow carcass up his rival high school's flagpole.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27
It sounded like a recipe for disaster today at the Seattle Center. In the Mercer Arena, 1,644 dogs competed in the Kennel Club Dog Show. In the Flag Pavilion, 240 cats were judged in the annual Cat Fanciers showcase. Expecting nothing less than a big furry blood bath, Last Days attended the competing events; unfortunately the functions were placed at opposite ends of the grounds, and instead of Pet Armageddon we found only a bunch of handsome dogs, pretty kitties, and many unfortunate odors. Things weren't nearly as stinky over at UW's Meany Hall, where hundreds of rabid National Public Radio fans gathered tonight for This American Life Live, a staged performance of the popular NPR broadcast. Hosted by adorable geek Ira Glass, the show featured music by Seattle's Black Cat Orchestra and readings from This American Life regulars Sarah Vowell, Cheryl Trykv, and Dan Savage. (In addition to her own piece, Ms. Trykv read "Chumping the Swells," the first unfunny thing David Sedaris has ever written.) Almost as entertaining as the show was the audience, a wildly enthusiastic conglomeration of lefty types described by one audience member as "a bunch of NPR mongoloids!" Overheard from another: "Every doctor in town is here."
Happy 56th Birthday to consumer advocate and Green Party man Ralph Nader.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28
Today brought ample evidence of God's psychotic mood swings. Beginning with the world's loudest thunderclap at 4:44 a.m., God proceeded to fuck with Seattleites' heads for the remainder of the day. With a startlingly sunny morning came the delivery of the Sunday Seattle Times, which at first glance appeared normal until one noticed that the paper featured not one but two editorials (one syndicated, one local) on the Importance of Cher. The Creator continued his pranks by furiously revoking the sun at noon, issuing another terrifying thunderclap and punishing gullible sun-lovers with a terrifying barrage of hail. God's psychosis remained on parade throughout the evening, evidenced by schizophrenic weather shifts and the airing of the worst Simpsons episode ever, leading many to ask, "Why does God hate us so much?" God's answer (whispered in the ear of Last Days): "Because you suck."
Happy 68th Birthday to Captain Stubing himself, Gavin MacLeod.
Cheer yourselves up by sending me your Hot Tips. E-mail lastdays@thestranger.com.
