MONDAY, JUNE 19 This week of rapacious robots, deeply ironic refrigerator magnets, and pro-gay celebration kicks off with a reminder of how porous many of the advances that give gays reason to celebrate are, with the discovery of a Pentagon document classifying homosexuality as a mental disorder. Uncovered by researchers at UC Santa Barbara's Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military, the "Defense Department Instruction" document reportedly outlines discharge policies for physically disabled service members—and lists same-sex attraction alongside mental retardation in a list of mental defects. "It is disappointing that certain Department of Defense instructions include homosexuality as a 'mental disorder' more than 30 years after the mental-health community recognized that such a classification was a mistake," said Representative. Marty Meehan, D-Mass to the Associated Press. According to a Pentagon spokesperson, the policy document is "under review."

TUESDAY, JUNE 20 In far more upsetting military news: Today brought confirmation of the fate of two U.S. soldiers missing in Iraq since last Friday. The Associated Press reports that the remains of 25-year-old Pfc. Thomas Tucker of Madras, Oregon, and 23-year-old Pfc. Kristian Menchaca of Houston, Texas, were recovered today from an explosive-rigged field, with both soldiers reportedly tortured in a "barbaric way." Tomorrow will continue the barrage of horrifying news from Iraq, with confirmation of the charges of kidnapping, conspiracy, and murder brought against seven U.S. Marines and one sailor following the death of an Iraqi civilian in April, as well as the murder charges pending against four U.S. Army soldiers in the shooting deaths of three Iraqi civilians in May. Condolences to the families and friends of slain Pfcs. Tucker and Menchaca, as well as the loved ones of all those soldiers charged with murder.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 In much lighter news: Today brings a fascinating tale of casual drug use, amateur sleuthing, and disconcerting glimpses of the future courtesy of Hot Tipper Matt, hereby honored as the only man in Seattle who can honestly proclaim, "A robot ate my pot." The saga begins with the purchase of a fun-sized baggie of the aforementioned pot, which Matt left to rest for the night on his coffee table. By the time he awoke the next morning, the bag of pot had disappeared, leaving Matt with a $40 mystery to solve. "The prime suspect was clearly my dog," says Matt. But when the pooch failed to display its typical post-deviance guilt, Matt was forced to look elsewhere, his eye eventually landing on the glowing red charging light on his recently acquired Roomba. For those out of the robotic-vacuum loop, Roomba is the Frisbee-sized robot that vacuums—automatically!—your house/apartment/lean-to, bouncing lightly off walls and other obstacles until every inch of surface has been sufficiently Roomba'd. A dream product for many, the Roomba proved to be Hot Tipper Matt's worst enemy, as an exploratory dig through the vacuum's guts turned up a shredded plastic baggie and, eventually, every skunky flake of Matt's vanished pot. "It was mixed with a bunch of dirt and dog hair," reports Matt. "But I'd be lying if I said it didn't get me that much higher."

THURSDAY, JUNE 22 Speaking of stories that seem like urban legends but are not: Today brings the tale of the crazy cat man of Illinois, the unnamed 57-year-old homeowner believed to have spent the last 20 years filling his house with cats—living, dead, and somewhere in-between. According to today's report in the Chicago Sun-Times, the South Suburban Humane Society of Matteson, Illinois, spent all Tuesday and most of Wednesday in HAZMAT suits, removing at least 62 (living) cats from the man's home, where the creatures had burrowed into the walls and ceilings, and where every inch of every surface was reportedly covered with cat food, kitty litter, and feces. In addition, a "boneyard of decayed cats" was found covering the lawn behind the property, with the whole mess adding up to what one Humane Society worker described as the worst conditions she'd seen in 26 years of service. As for the cat-fancying homeowner: He was arrested Tuesday evening after showing up at the Matteson Police Department to demand his cats back and remains in custody while awaiting charges. As for the home: It's been boarded up and declared unfit for habitation; it will likely have to be razed. As for the cat man's motive: The best clue comes from a refrigerator magnet found in the man's cat-drenched home, reading, "Cats are like potato chips—it's hard to have just one." (This is not a lie.)

FRIDAY, JUNE 23 In other non-lie news, today the legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling went to the big, splashy Love Boat in the sky, dying at his Los Angeles home at age 83, and bringing to a close a triumphant career that produced such indelible TV artifacts as Charlie's Angels (which introduced the world to Farrah Fawcett), Fantasy Island (which introduced America to Hervé Villechaize), and the miraculous Dynasty, which introduced all of humanity to the pleasures of watching beautiful women get slapped into a pool (a maneuver perfected in his later Melrose Place). R.I.P., Sir Spelling.

SATURDAY, JUNE 24 Speaking of death: Today brings a story to kill the popular assumption that all male cheerleaders are limp-wristed "sensitive" types, thanks to a lawsuit filed against West Virginia's Marshall University by a female cheerleader, who claims to have been subjected to a "pervasive environment of sexual harassment" and abuse at the hands—and balls—of her male squadmates. Among the degradations alleged in the young woman's graphic circuit-court complaint (and reported by the Smoking Gun): male cheerleaders' exposure of their penises, improper fondling of female team members, and placement of their testicles on female cheerleaders' faces. (The young woman also claims that the team's coaching staff did nothing to stop the alleged harassment, and allowed male squad members to give the team's cheers such sexually suggestive names as "The Bearded Clam.") For her mental anguish and alleged be-testicled forehead, the young woman is suing the school for discrimination, for which she seeks unspecified monetary damages.

SUNDAY, JUNE 25 The week ends with a double whammy of local pleasure, courtesy of the gloriously relocated Seattle Pride Festival at Seattle Center (the most meaningful and entertaining Pride-related anything Last Days has ever attended in this city) and the gloriously glorious KeyArena performance by Pink (Last Days' favorite female pop star since Martha Reeves). Congrats and thanks to all the folks who made the dream of a citywide Pride celebration a reality, and all hail Pink.

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