MONDAY, JULY 10 This week of holy hallucinogens, criminal clowns, and what may be remembered as the dawn of World War III kicks off today with breaking news in the world of wang, as scientists reported what could be the first noncosmetic benefit of circumcision. And what a benefit it is: Building on the findings of French researchersâwho last year determined that circumcised men in South Africa were 65 percent less likely to become infected with HIVâtoday the World Health Organization confirmed that removing the foreskins of men across Africa over the next 10 years could prevent 2 million new HIV infections and 300,000 deaths from AIDS. As Reuters reports, circumcision is believed to cut infection risk for two reasons: 1. The foreskin is covered in cells the virus seems able to easily infect. 2. The virus may survive better in a warm, wet environment like that found beneath a foreskin. But will Africa's men sit still for the mandatory snip? God knows that circumcision is, for all but the exceedingly unlucky, the worst thing that will ever happen to one's genitals. However, losing your immune system is worse, and here's hoping Africa follows through with its 10-year Harvest of Foreskins.
TUESDAY, JULY 11 From the chopping of wang we move to the blowing of mind, courtesy of the scientific study confirming the God-enhancing properties of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Details come from ABC News: Conducted by Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, the study tracked the experiences of "36 healthy people," all of whom had religious backgrounds, and all of whom were given pills containing psilocybin, derived from the hallucinogenic (and illegal) psilocybe mushroom. The results clearly confirmed 'shrooms' stature as a reliable shortcut to God, with 60 percent of the psilocybin subjects reporting feelings consistent with a "full mystical experience" as measured by psychological scales. What's more, the great majority of trippers brought back lovely souvenirs, with 79 percent of the group reporting "moderately to greatly increased" well-being or life satisfaction two months after the experiment. To temper the study's pro-'shroom enthusiasm (which is sure to confirm religious righters' beliefs that science is Satan's playground), the National Institute on Drug Abuse released a statement: "Psilocybin can trigger psychosis in susceptible individuals and cause other deleterious psychological effects." But the truth about 'shrooms will not be squashed: "[The study] shows that, under carefully controlled conditions, psilocybin can be administered safely and that it can occasion a mystical-type experience, which scientific measures say is very similar to spontaneously occurring mystical experiences," said study leader Roland Griffiths to ABC. "The results suggest that such events may have lastingly beneficial consequences."
WEDNESDAY, JULY 12 The week continues with news of the clown-related violence that's plaguing Pierce County. The source: the Seattle Times. The scene: Pierce County's Fort Steilacoom Park, where, for several nights last month, late-night visitors were reportedly terrorized by a group of thugs in black hooded sweatshirts, at least one of whom was wearing "angry" clown makeup. As pop-culture obsessives may suspect, and the Seattle Times confirms, the angry, hooded clowns in question identify as "Juggalos," members of the subculture devoted to the rap/metal group Insane Clown Posse, known for their black garb, white face paint, and crappy music. As for the band's followers: The website whatisajuggalo.com identifies the Juggalo subculture as a place of racial tolerance, "clown love," and devotion to Godâto which the Fort Steilacoom Park Juggalos reportedly added a hefty dose of mindless violence. According to court documents, the gang of Juggalos assaulted park visitors with fists and a machete, stealing cell phones, cash, and wallets, threatening beheadings, and repeatedly crying "Woo, woo, Juggalo." Two victims suffered broken jaws; another was kicked in the head. "The violence was gratuitous," said Lakewood police Lieutenant Dave Guttu to the Times. "They [victims] had already given up their stuff and were assaulted anyway." So far, two Juggalos and one Juggalette have been charged for their alleged roles in the robberies and assaults. Stay tuned for updates in the Northwest's most disturbing clown-related happening since Dina Martina put on pants.
THURSDAY, JULY 13 In much sadder news: Today brought an array of heartbreaking print and broadcast memorials for Seattle's Mary Cooper and Susanna Cooper Stodden, the mother and daughter found murdered on Tuesday, a few hours after they'd embarked on a hike on Snohomish County's Pinnacle Lake Trail. By all accounts, the women were exemplary humans: 56-year-old Cooper was the beloved librarian at Wedgwood's Decatur AEII Elementary School (where a makeshift memorial featured a sign reading, "Mary in the libraryâthe nicest person in the universe"), while 27-year-old Stodden was an environmental educator employed by the Seattle Audubon Society, and a daughter who set aside time each week to join her mom for a day hike. Tragically, this week's hike ended with a pair of horribly random homicides, evidence of which was discovered by fellow hikers on the trail. "We have never spent a more terrifying half-hour than our hike back to the trailhead," wrote one witness on www.nwhikers.net. "We had one ice ax between us which I held at the ready the entire time, not knowing if we would be attacked by a killer still lurking in the area." Condolences to the family and friends of the unlucky victims, and best of luck to Snohomish County authorities in finding the sick fuck(s) that did this.
FRIDAY, JULY 14 Speaking of sick fucks: Today brings an update on Michael Jackson. Since wearing out his yearlong welcome in Bahrain, America's most miraculous acquittee has been traipsing around Europe battling lawsuits from afar. Today brought a conclusion to one of those lawsuits, as a civil court jury in Santa Monica announced a split decision in the case brought by F. Marc Schaffel, the former Jackson associate suing for $1.4 million in commissions, unpaid loans, and expenses. From the start, Schaffel v. Jackson was a sordid affair, with Jacko professing (via videotaped testimony) his shock and disgust at Schaffel's well-known background as a gay-porn producer, and Schaffel claiming everything from funding Jacko's payoffs to mysterious foreigners to being enlisted to find Brazilian children for Jackson to adopt. In the end, the jury rewarded and penalized both men, awarding Schaffel $900,000 in restitution, and awarding Jackson $200,000 in his cross-complaint against Schaffel. But Jackson's not out of the legal woods yet: On July 3, ex-wife Debbie Rowe started proceedings against Jackson over failed divorce payments, with a lawsuit seeking an immediate payment of $195,000 for attorney fees and $50,000 in living expenses, so that Rowe can continue her legal fight to gain custody of the pair's two children. Stay tuned.
SATURDAY, JULY 15 Nothing happened today, unless you count the aforementioned dawn of World War III, with the militant Lebanese Islamic group Hezbollah announcing "open war" on Israel, the militant Jewish homeland Israel bombing the shit out of Lebanon, and the militant Palestinian Sunni Islamist group Hamas keeping things scary down south.
SUNDAY, JULY 16 The week ends with a public-grooming horror from across the globe. The source: Hot Tipper Evan, a former resident of the I-5 corridor now residing in southwest Japan, where he sent Last Days a message from his cell phone as he sat on a train platform across from "a salaryman in a suit, socks off, clipping his toenails." Thanks to Evan for noticing and sharing, and all hail the poetic brevity of the text message.
Send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.
