MONDAY, AUGUST 16 This week of finished operations, visiting presidents, and improperly stored corpses kicks off in Seattle, where tonight a police search came to an abrupt end in the Wedgwood QFC. The subject of the search: a 43-year-old Seattle man wanted in connection with a recent domestic disturbance and known for scary violence. As Seattlepi.com reports, late last year, the man's mother served him with a restraining order after he allegedly threatened her with knives, and early this year, the man's wife took out her own protection order after he allegedly beat and stalked her. Which brings us to this past weekend, when the most recent and still mysterious domestic disturbance went down, causing authorities to begin the search that came to a head tonight in a North Seattle supermarket, where police found the man, the man pulled a gun, and cops shot him dead. We told you the ending was abrupt. Condolences to all.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 17 In much better news for everyone except Stan Rumbaugh, the week continues with the Washington State primary, commemorated in Seattle with a visit from President Obama, who took time out of his busy ignoring-gay-equality-issues schedule to raise $1.3 million for Senator Patty Murray and the Washington State Democrats. But the day's real excitement came from the two huge kabooms that shook walls and triggered urinations throughout the Puget Sound region. Upon hearing/feeling the Apocalypse-approximating kabooms, local pessimists feared the worst. Had our neighbor's basement meth lab exploded? Did our radical-Muslim president finally detonate his suicide bomb? Lucky for all, the terrifying booms were soon revealed to be the sonic by-products of F-15 fighter jets breaking the sound barrier while in pursuit of a seaplane that had accidentally breached the 10-mile restricted zone around Air Force One, which was parked at Boeing Field during Obama's Seattle jaunt. "So many calls related to the sonic booms were made to the Pierce County 911 call center that it shut the operation down for about 15 minutes," reports the Seattle Times, which quotes the Pacific Northwest Seismic Network's Bill Steele's assessment that "folks at the south end of the Sound seemed to get it more intensely than Seattle." At the time of the kabooms, Last Days was writing this goddamn column while sitting in his South Park kitchen, and it sounded like a furious, 500-foot God kicking the side of the house with a steel-toed boot. But as usual, the explanation involving God soon dissolved, replaced by noisy air.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18 Nothing happened today, which makes it a perfect day for an update on the South Seattle man accused of drawing a neighbor out of her apartment under false pretenses then dousing her with a bucket of urine, vomit, and feces. As horror buffs recall, 69-year-old Ronald V. Ellis skyrocketed to fecal infamy earlier this month, when he was arrested four days after the alleged dousing on suspicion of assault—a gross misdemeanor, which is funny because it's true. "It was disgusting," said dousing victim Cheri Monson to KOMO 4. "I could barely get up the stairs. And when I got up the stairs, I immediately threw up." This past Saturday, Ellis was due back in court but failed to show, resulting in a warrant for his arrest and a three-day manhunt, resulting in his capture yesterday. He remains held on $10,000 bail (so rest easy, all who live in fear of being lured from your home and doused with yuck).

THURSDAY, AUGUST 19 The week continues with the departure of the last U.S. combat troops in Iraq, which today convoyed into Kuwait, bringing an official end to the combat operations that commenced in March 2003. "The U.S.-led invasion... saw the toppling of Saddam Hussein, but became increasingly unpopular against a backdrop of heavy civilian and troop casualties, arguments over the legality of the conflict, and a growing sectarian battle in Iraq," reports the UK Guardian. "The withdrawal comes in a week when a suicide bomber killed at least 60 army recruits in central Baghdad, highlighting the shaky reality U.S. troops are leaving behind, and the fears that al-Qaida is attempting to make a comeback." Nevertheless, today is a day for celebration, especially for those brave and lucky U.S. troops who made it through Iraqi combat duty alive. "This was a professional soldier's job," said Lieutenant Steven DeWitt to NBC News. "And today it's over."

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20 Speaking of things finally being over: Today brings a story from Japan, where a 64-year-old man was found in possession of a backpack containing the remains of his mother. Details come from the Agence France-Presse, which offers this astounding collection of sentences: "A similar discovery weeks ago sparked a search for people who are registered as being more than 100 years old. There are more than 40,000 registered centenarians in Japan, according to government data, but the number of missing has raised concerns that the welfare system is being exploited by dishonest relatives... According to Japanese media, the audit has so far identified 281 centenarians who are missing or have already died." Which brings us to the latest find, featuring the aforementioned 64-year-old with the frightening backpack, who told officials that his mother had died at home in Tokyo in "about June 2001." "Because I didn't have money for a funeral, I didn't report her death," said the man to the Sankei Shimbun newspaper, with the AFP news agency detailing the postmortem ritual the man reportedly confessed to police: "I laid out her body for a while, washed it in the bath, then broke up the bones and put them into a backpack." And then there's this, from the AFP: "The woman's pension continued to be paid and police are now investigating the son on suspicion of fraud."

SATURDAY, AUGUST 21 In better news, today Last Days made the trek to glorious Tacoma for Lady Gaga's Monster Ball, a ravishingly gawkworthy extravaganza featuring several thousand people dressed up like the same person, who was on the premises to lord over a state-of-the-art pop spectacle. Among the delights: wandering the crowd playing Gaga Costume Bingo (cigarette glasses! Hair cans and caution tape! FULL-FACE LACE MASK WITH SPIKES!), thrilling to her majesty's high-tech show (which was rich with F-bombs and pro-gay proselytizing), and beholding the sight of a gaggle of people dressed like Lady Gaga waiting in line for a Honey Bucket. Bonus: seeing with our own eyes that Lady Gaga is not a coked-out stick figure. She's got a juicy body and a butt, and she looks fucking great. Thanks to the Tacoma Dome, which humanely allows adults to bring beer into the show, and to the hilarious lady with whom we drank at a Gaga-drenched beer garden, who uttered the million-dollar sentence: "If you didn't know who Lady Gaga was, you'd totally think you were at a hooker convention."

SUNDAY, AUGUST 22 Nothing happened today, unless you count Hempfest, the annual marijuana festival attended by thousands of happy pot appreciators and, if history repeated itself, at least one gorgeous hippie chick in a bikini top selling hallucinatory fudge.

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