MONDAY, APRIL 21 This week of deadly dolphins, exploited elders, and America's Next Top Model–induced stabbings kicks off with a narrowly averted tragedy in Kenmore, Washington, where four members of the Seattle Synchronized Swim Team came close to simultaneously drowning during a practice at St. Edward State Park. Details come from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which reports the swimmers—girls ranging from 12 to 14—had just begun warm-up exercises in the pool this evening when they "became ill." "One was hanging on a rope and a coach saw her slip underwater," said swim team president Craig Penner to the P-I. "The coach jumped in and pulled her out, then saw two other girls on the bottom of the pool." (The fourth girl managed to swim to the pool's edge, "unsure where she was or how she got there.") Thank God for the team's two CPR-trained coaches, who—along with one of the pool's lifeguards—kept today's fluke accident from becoming a nightmarish tragedy. As for the swimmers, who'd been passed out under water for less than a minute before CPR was administered: After being rushed to area hospitals, the girls will be released in satisfactory condition by tomorrow night. The suspected cause of all the drama: an imbalance in pool chemicals that created a five-inch-thick "dead zone" hovering above the water, leaving swimmers coming up for air to "essentially breathe in poison," as coach Julie Abel told MSNBC. "Our inspectors are out there this morning trying to understand what happened," said Public Health Seattle & King County spokesman James Apa to the P-I. "It certainly isn't a normal experience."

TUESDAY, APRIL 22 The week continues with Michael Alfinez, the 18-year-old man who thought it would be heee-larious to videotape his 85-year-old-and-senile grandmother wearing a ski mask, brandishing a pistol, and warbling "gangsta" phrases like "Fuck you" and "Palm Beach County, bitch." And maybe he was right—but that didn't stop Palm Beach County sheriff's deputies from arresting Alfinez yesterday on charges of elder abuse. As The Smoking Gun reports, Alfinez first came to local authorities' attention after a routine traffic stop turned up a "troubling video" featuring the aforementioned granny-with-a-.22 and reportedly intended for submission to the Gangstas and Thugs DVD series. In addition to elder abuse, Alfinez stands charged with discharging a firearm in public and improper exhibition of a dangerous weapon (the confiscated video also featured footage of Alfinez shooting a gun from a car).

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23 Today brings a national-headline-making hubbub from South Seattle, where tonight a group of friends gathered in a Columbia City apartment to drink beer and watch America's Next Top Model. Further details come from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which identifies the flashpoint of the argument as a guest's request that the hostess stop talking so loudly during America's Next Top Model. The hostess refused and the fight turned physical, with the guest reportedly pulling "a paring knife from a nearby apple" and repeatedly stabbing the 42-year-old hostess, whom medics found with severe stab wounds to her chest and neck. The suspect fled and remains at large.

THURSDAY, APRIL 24 The week continues with Hot Tipper Vivian: "So I was driving in the U-District at around 11:30 tonight, following a Metro bus, when this kid runs out in front of my car, jumps onto the back of the bus, and rides away. He was just hanging there, dressed in all black. It was amazing."

•• Not so amazing: the U-District kid who at 80 minutes after midnight will ride his skateboard into the intersection of Northeast 45th Street and University Way, smash into the side of a Metro bus, fall beneath the wheels, and die at the scene. Tomorrow the Seattle Post-Intelligencer will identify the skater as Chase Anderson, a 19-year-old University of Washington freshman and Bellevue High graduate, and the bus driver as a 46-year-old woman who witnesses confirmed had the green light. Condolences to all.

FRIDAY, APRIL 25 Today brings the National Day of Silence, the annual protest against the bullying and harassment of gay and lesbian students. This year's Day of Silence—the 12th since the day's grassroots debut in 1996—is particularly dramatic for a couple reasons. First: Lawrence King, the 15-year-old boy in Oxnard, California, whose tragic death in February sent a reminder that even now, when gays have attained an unprecedented degree of normalcy in American culture, occasionally an openly gay student will be gunned down in his middle school's computer lab. Second: Ken Hutcherson, the former linebacker, current pastor, perennial antigay warrior, and likely chronic traumatic brain injury candidate, who's led a campaign against observance of the Day of Silence at Mount Si High School, where Hutcherson's daughter is a student and where Hutcherson was booed at this year's rally for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. After unsuccessfully lobbying for the cancellation of the Day of Silence—hated by Hutch for its foisting of alternative sexuality on students, who are so rigorously protected from his beloved bible, thanks to the separation of church and state—Hutch organized a counterprotest to the official day of protest, to which a group of Snoqualmie Valley community members organized a counter-counterprotest, holding a press conference "to address misconceptions being perpetuated regarding the annual Day of Silence." Details from the scene come from the Seattle Times, which reports roughly 200 students took training to participate in the Day of Silence, while 495 of the school's 1,410 students didn't show up at all, including 85 athletes whose parents had asked that they be excused for their personal beliefs. As for Hutcherson: After taking out a half-page ad in the Snoqualmie Valley Record calling for 1,000 "prayer warriors" to join him outside the school, Hutch found himself supported by roughly 100 people, some of whom brought signs. ("Silence for Unnatural Behavior? Not ME.") In addition to Hutch's clucking hundred, the Times counted 40 counterdemonstrators, who beat drums and chanted at Hutch to "go home." Best of all: the gathering of 80 parents and supporters who greeted students as they arrived at school in the morning. "We want to let students in the [Gay-Straight Alliance] know they have support in the community," said Lucinda Hauser, a Mount Si parent and member of the local Methodist church. Congrats and thanks to everyone at Mount Si who helped make this year's Day of Silence so dramatically successful.

SATURDAY, APRIL 26 Nothing happened today, unless you count the second-annual Stranger Gong Show, which packed Chop Suey with scream-worthy freaks and a sweaty mob of gawkers, and is recounted in Brendan Kiley's Theater News column on page 25, and in the official Stranger Gong Show video at

SUNDAY, APRIL 27 The week ends with a fatal collision of dolphins in Florida. The incident went down at SeaWorld Orlando, where a pair of dolphins—30-year-old Sharky and her unnamed male partner—were performing a routine trick in front of spectators when they collided, with the collision proving fatal for the unlucky Sharky, whose body, Sea World officials told Local 6 News, "will be used for research at the park."

Today's research question: Is deep-fried dolphin as delicious as it sounds? Send best guesses and Hot Tips to