MONDAY, JULY 7

This week of fatal food, traffic-circle tragedies, and legitimate American heroism kicks off with a movie-of-the-week-worthy murder mystery—replete with transgenerational romance, natural disaster, and crack—from Seattle's Central District. Details come from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which identifies the saga's subjects as 29-year-old Richard Judlin and 46-year-old Eldora Earlycutt, a five-years-married couple who moved to Seattle after being driven out of New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina in August 2005. Things were relatively quiet until this past Friday, when Judlin called police to report that he'd stabbed his wife. "I think she's dead," said Judlin, and he was right: Police arrived at the couple's Central District apartment to find Earlycutt dead from roughly 30 stabs to her neck and stomach and Judlin ready to talk. According to King County prosecutors, Judlin "told officers that he regularly smokes cocaine... and just 'clicked' and stabbed Earlycutt to death without provocation." Judlin remains in King County Jail on charges of second-degree murder; if convicted, he faces 12 to 20 years in prison.

TUESDAY, JULY 8 Speaking of Tuesday: Ruby Tuesday is a restaurant that has Tuesday in its name, and today's item concerns the deeply unlucky man who ate at a Ruby Tuesday and died. Details come from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, which presents the story as an ongoing she-said/he-said. On one side: Linda Hawkins, who accompanied her husband—35-year-old welder and aspiring rapper Rodney "Krook" Hawkins—to an Atlanta-area Ruby Tuesday last Thursday. According to Mrs. Hawkins, her seafood-allergic husband ordered the Chicken Fresco—which is topped with a tomato slice and chopped green herbs—but what landed on the table was the Chicken Oscar, topped with asparagus and crab meat, the latter of which caused Rodney Hawkins to collapse, go into anaphylactic shock, and die at a hospital a half-hour later. Meanwhile, Ruby Tuesday contends that Hawkins got exactly what he ordered. "Our investigation of this incident, which includes interviews with the server and manager on duty and the collection of their written notes of what occurred, clearly indicates that the guest ordered Chicken Oscar, a dish that contains crab meat," said Ruby Tuesday spokesman Rick Johnson to the AJC. Despite the discrepancy in testimony and indisputable death, no criminal charges will be filed. Condolences to all.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 9 In much better news: Today, Last Days is proud to introduce (and spill a bunch of gushy ink over) our official Favorite Person of 2008 (so far)*: L. F. Eason III, the 29-year veteran of the North Carolina Department of Agriculture who chose to resign his lifelong post rather than lower the flag for the freshly dead ex-senator Jesse Helms. Details come from the North Carolina News & Observer, which reports that the brouhaha began this past Sunday, when Governor Mike Easley directed all state agencies to honor the dead Helms by flying their flags at half-mast. Eason responded with a directive of his own, e-mailed to his employees at the state's standards lab. "Regardless of any executive proclamation, I do not want the flags at the North Carolina Standards Laboratory flown at half-staff to honor Jesse Helms any time this week," wrote Eason, citing Helms's "doctrine of negativity, hate, and prejudice" and brazen opposition to civil-rights bills and the federal Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. When ordered by his superiors to either lower the flags or retire immediately, Eason chose the latter, giving up his $65,000-a-year post rather than salute a bigot. "I designed and built that lab," said the 51-year-old Eason to the News & Observer. "Even though technically the bricks and mortar belong to the State of North Carolina, I feel very strongly that everything that comes out of there is my responsibility." Congratulations and best of luck to the heroic Mr. Eason.

*Runner-up: Candy Finnegan from A&E's Intervention.

THURSDAY, JULY 10 In much worse news: Today we turn to the story that obsessed Seattle for the majority of the week, doomed to be remembered as the Traffic-Circle Tragedy, in which a fussy but friendly Rainier Beach resident—60-year-old James Paroline—sprayed neighborhood ne'er-do-wells with his garden hose and was fatally punched in the face by a man who drove up a few minutes later. Details come from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which reports the deadly punching took place yesterday evening near the flower-laden traffic circle at 61st Avenue South and Cooper Street, and identifies the punching suspect as an "African-American man in his 20s," whose punching of Paroline sent the near-elderly man to the pavement and into a coma. Tonight, James Paroline was pronounced dead at Harborview Medical Center. After a weekend of hand-wringing and finger-pointing, next Monday will bring official identification of the punching suspect, who fled the scene after felling Paroline: Brian Keith Brown, a 28-year-old South Seattle man with previous convictions for assault, drug possession, theft, and obstruction of an officer, who's now facing a $500,000 warrant for his arrest; stay tuned. For now, a moment's silence for Mr. Paroline, a Vietnam veteran known by some as a curmudgeon and others as a sweetheart, who certainly didn't deserve to die for getting someone wet.

FRIDAY, JULY 11 Speaking of quick and random killings: Today we acknowledge the deadly lightning fiesta that killed five people over five days last week. Specifically, 16-year-old Landon Dillard (struck while riding a bike at a Colorado summer camp on July 3), 19-year-old Korey Moore (struck while boating in South Carolina on July 5), 23-year-old Stephanie Dawn Kirpes (struck while jogging along the shore in Virginia Beach on July 6), 16-year-old Ben Richter (struck on his family's Wisconsin farm on July 7), and 16-year-old Lucian Ellis (struck while waiting out a storm in a North Carolina beach hut on July 7). As the National Weather Service's John Jensenius told the Associated Press, "If the sky looks threatening or they hear thunder, [people] need to get inside a substantial building—one with wiring and plumbing—or a hard-topped metal vehicle immediately."

SATURDAY, JULY 12 "Dear Last Days," writes Hot Tipper Laura Rose, reporting the completely naked couple she saw standing at the corner of Denny Way and Belmont Avenue. "This modern-day Adam and Eve were high as kites and in love with everything. Over 20 minutes there was dancing, singing, butt-slapping, and one very close and lengthy examination of a shaved pubic area. It was such a lovely sight, one pedestrian (the only one to acknowledge the couple) tripled back to walk by and admire the scene."

SUNDAY, JULY 13 Nothing happened today.

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