MONDAY, JANUARY 31 This week of punished villains, ferocious snow, and celebrity cow corpses kicks off today in British Columbia, with the horrific story of how a slow winter season led to the execution of 100 sled dogs at the Whistler-based company Outdoor Adventures. Details come from the Vancouver Sun, which reveals that today's horror was brought to the public's attention by a ridiculously mundane act: the filing of a claim for workers' compensation, made last year by an employee of Outdoor Adventures who required treatment for post-traumatic stress after carrying out the company's orders to kill 100 of its 300 dogs. "The WorkSafeBC report states the employee... had known a lot of the dogs and even named many of them, lived with them and cared for them seven days a week," reports the Sun. When the request for culling came, "a veterinarian was contacted, but refused to euthanize healthy animals. Attempts were made to adopt out the dogs with only limited success." And so the employee did what was asked of him: He got a gun and started killing the dogs, with the shootings carried out en masse, which ultimately caused the dogs to panic and attack the man. "By the end, he was covered in blood," wrote the review board in supporting the worker's claim of post-traumatic stress. "When he finished, he cleared up the mess, filled in the mass grave and tried to bury the memories as deeply as he could." It didn't work, and after five days of panic attacks and nightmares, the man sought treatment from a clinical counselor and here we are. For those readers tempted to feel as bad for the traumatized man as for the slain dogs, some words from Marcie Moriarty, head of the BC SPCA cruelty investigations division, who told the Sun: "I've no doubt he has suffered post-traumatic stress, but there's a thing called choice. I absolutely would not have done this and he could have said no... The way this employee describes it—it's a massacre absolutely—a criminal code offence." Canadian police are investigating.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 In better news, today brings some comeuppance for a notorious villain: Jennifer Petkov, the 33-year-old Michigan woman who skyrocketed to infamy last fall when she took to the internet to mock a neighbor who'd died from Huntington's disease and celebrate the appearance of the fatal condition in the dead woman's 7-year-old daughter. But as the Detroit News informs us, Petkov's troubles of today concern a different neighbor, whom Petkov allegedly tried to run over with her car, for which Petkov today pleaded guilty to assault and battery. Her punishment: 18 months probation and orders to move out of the neighborhood. Should Petkov be found within five blocks of her now-former home, she'll serve three months in the Wayne County Jail.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 2 Speaking of kaleidoscopically troubled women, the week continues with Lindsay Lohan, the former Disney starlet/three-time jailbird/five-time rehabee revealed today as the subject of a new LAPD investigation, following allegations that Lohan stole a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store near her Venice, California, home. Details come from the Los Angeles Times, which describes the necklace as a one-of-a-kind gold chain with semiprecious stones that disappeared from the Venice boutique on January 22. "According to law enforcement sources, Lohan was seen in a store video wearing the necklace before it was reported missing," reports the Times. "After detectives began looking into the case and preparing a search warrant, a Lohan associate took the necklace to the Pacific Division police station." And while Lohan will insist she simply "borrowed" the necklace, she could soon face charges of felony grand theft and second-degree commercial burglary. Meanwhile, Lohan remains on probation for her 2007 DUI conviction and is under investigation for allegedly assaulting an employee at her most recent rehab center.

••Also today: A good chunk of the US was paralyzed by snow, which dramatically complicated the lives of millions and caused the deaths of at least 12. ("The 12 fatalities included a homeless man who burned to death on New York's Long Island as he tried to light cans of cooking fuel and a woman in Oklahoma City who was killed while being pulled behind a truck on a sled that hit a guard rail," reports the Guardian.)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3 The week continues in West Seattle, with a story that commenced last night on the West Seattle Blog, where a woman named Pam posted a note about her discovery of a dead, hog-tied cow on the beach behind her home. "We've contacted the police, who are on their way," wrote Pam—but the adventure was only beginning. "A third watch supervisor responded and did indeed locate a carcass which appeared to be used for bait for crab pots," confirmed Southwest Precinct Lt. Ron Smith. "Complainant was advised to call animal control if the carcass was still there after 0900 hours." Which brings us to today, when Pam awoke to find the cow still strewn on the beach and called animal control, only to be informed that since the corpse was on private property, animal control officers couldn't help. "They suggested we call a rendering company," said Pam to WSB. "I think my husband is going to try to send him out to sea when the tide comes in." Tomorrow, things will get really exciting, as the tide will sweep the celebrity cow briefly out to sea, before depositing it on another nearby beach. On Saturday, the whole boviney mess will be settled by the Seattle Police Department, who'll tow the cow away by boat and send it on its way to QAR Rendering Services in Graham.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 4 Today we travel to Lacey, Washington, where this evening a 29-year-old woman was reportedly driving around with her 2-year-old daughter in the backseat and her cell phone in her hand until kaboom. "Troopers said the woman admitted that she was texting when she crashed head-on into a parked pickup," recounts the Olympian. "The child was unrestrained in the backseat and suffered injuries when she struck the back of the front passenger seat." The mom faces charges of using a wireless device while driving, failure to wear a seat belt, and failure to use a child restraint. The 2-year-old is recovering from facial injuries. Dear everyone: Refraining from PDA use while behind the wheel is difficult, and nine times out of ten, stupid little texting tasks can be executed without incident, but then—BAM. In a flash, you're a child-maimer, or a manslaughterer, or dead. Please proceed accordingly.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 5 The week continues with another day of protest in Seattle's Westlake Park, as, for the second Saturday in a row, hundreds of Seattleites mirrored the hundreds of thousands of Egyptians calling for an end to the reign of President Hosni Mubarak.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6 The week ends with the Super Bowl, distinguished this year by triumphant Packers, questionable commercials, and a publicly humiliated Christina Aguilera (who flubbed a couple lines of the national anthem, which she's presumably been performing at sporting events since before she was a Mouseketeer). Condolences to all.

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