NELSON SMOKES CRACK
SEAN NELSON: Are you smoking crack? "Hitchcock's singing has never been so direct and lovely" [CD Review, Robyn Hitchcock's Spooked, March 3]. In fact, his voice has never sounded worse. It's completely shot. Go back and listen to Moss Elixir, then listen to Spooked again, and tell me I'm wrong. "Hitchcock may have only just made his best record." Puh-leaze! The only record in his catalog worse than Spooked is the previous record, Luxor (which is one of my all-time most-despised albums by an artist I love). And make no mistake; I am (or was, until about a year-and-a-half ago) one of the "faithful-to-reverent cult of hardcore admirers." Indeed, my Robyn website is entitled "Robyn Hitchcock Is God, Okay?" I'm not saying you can't have a different opinion to mine. But I urge you to re-listen to some of his back catalog (and/or download some of the many old-to-old-ish concerts currently available at EasyTree). Later.

Eddie Tews

BY Any MEANS NECESSARY
CHARLES MUDEDE: I wholeheartedly agree with your article on KRS-One ["Final Frontier," March 3]. I have been one of his biggest fans since back in the day. He is my all-time favorite emcee. That being said, he needs to stop dissing and just make his music like you said. Most hiphop fans can distinguish between the REAL HIPHOP and the HIP-POP that is marketed to the masses today. I say, make your music and let it stand. Keep making your great music and you will make new fans. I will be there checking out KRS-One.

Tony Daniel

I'M PRO JOSH, AND I VOTE
JOSH: I know: You're just doing your job. But, I'm glad someone and their paper is doing their job. Hopefully, Ed Murray and his Olympia friends are reading THE STRANGER. Again, thanks.

Fellow Pro-Monorail Freak

P.S. DO YOU NEED AN INTERN?
DEAR MS. BARNETT: I would like to thank you (and your predecessor Josh Feit) for your continuing coverage of the Seattle City Council. I love Seattle. Nothing would make me happier than seeing it on its way to becoming one of the greatest cities in this country. Thanks in large part to your coverage of city council politics in The Stranger, I have taken an interest in joining the process. I would like to help Seattle grow in size and stature. I'm only a 21-year-old student at the University of Washington, so I'm busy working on my economics and philosophy dual-major, thinking about graduate school, and finding internships for this summer. However, thanks to your engaging coverage, in the event I do not find a summer internship, I plan to devote myself fulltime to one of the campaigns for city council or the mayor's office. To that end, I hope I can contact you in the future to guide me to where I can find more information on the candidates.

Colin Miller

MISS SANTOS IF YOU'RE NASTY
DEAR ERICA C. BARNETT: "It's interesting to note that Santos took in more than $2,000 last year from groups that represent accountants and other pro-RALs organizations during the last election: precisely the groups that stand to benefit from weakened Seattle legislation" [In the Hall, Erica C. Barnett, March 3]. Wow, that's disappointing. Did Sharon say what her justification is for supporting the overriding of this legislation? It doesn't make sense; she is usually right on target and I don't think she is gonna sell her soul for two grand. It sucks because the people affected are predominantly low-income immigrants in our district (the 37th) who fall prey to these legal scammers. That sucks. Not that Rasmussen is any big advocate of communities of color, but at least he is right on with this. Good piece.

Mauricio

STILL KNEE DEEP IN THE MOCHA
STRANGER: Thank you for posting the Starbucks company theme song on the Internet [Last Days, March 3]. Now, no matter how bad my day is, I can listen to this song and realize that at least I am not one of the people that thought this company song was the way to say "thanks" or motivate employees. And worse yet, they all received a copy of it? Too funny. Thanks for the laugh, Stranger (or Starbucks?).

Becky

CORRECTION: Two weeks ago, The Stranger reported that city council candidate Paige Miller had raised $50,000 [In Other News, Erica C. Barnett, Feb 24]. At the time, Miller had only reported receiving $25,000. That figure, however, is somewhat misleading because Miller (unlike other candidates) has not reported the donations she has received since January 31. In any case, we regret the error.

CORRECTION UPDATE

Shortly after The Stranger's press time on Tuesday, March 8, Miller reported total contributions of $45,000 through February 28. We owe her five grand.

E-mail Chain of the Week!

FOLGER (LONGENBAUGH) VS. SAVAGE, PT. 1

DEAR STRANGER: I’m going to take some significant pleasure in watching you and yours eat crow when I am introduced by the cast that performs my play Influence on opening night, this Friday, at the Velocity Dance Studio. “John Longenbaugh,” of course, will be sort of busy that night. He’s got a company to run and he’s even got a bit part in the play. He’s an old friend, but he’s not the playwright. But you’re right, Tom Folger isn’t my real name. Because, as you point out, people don’t use a pen name unless their work is going to really suck [Theater Listings, March 2]. Like Keenan Hollahan, for example. That was the name of a bitchy young gay man who had the spirit of a 60-year-old alcoholic Queen, and directed silly camped-up versions of classical texts at the Re-bar in the 90’s. The young man would have NEVER produced these works under his own name, because I’m sure he thought they sucked. And there was that gay man who took the last name “Savage” because it sounded all rough-and-tumble for his sex column, a column so “out there” with its references to sex toys and various body excretions that he even encouraged readers to call him “Hey Faggot!” That is, until he quietly caved to pressure from his gay readers. But despite his book deals and appearances on “Oprah,” I’m sure he thinks his work sucks. Why else would he use someone else’s name? Yes, only hack artists use names that differ from the ones on their birth certificates. If only they would be more honest! Looking forward to seeing you at the show. Sincerely.

Tom Folger

Dan Savage Responds:

Oh, John. Dear, Sweet, Talentless John: My real name is “Savage,” just as my dad Bill Savage, or my brother Bill Savage (Google them, if you like.) or you can go to my grandpa, Ray Savage’s grave and read it right there on his tombstone. And more people came to a single night of my awful Saint Joan or Macbeth or Electra than have attended all of your plays rolled up in ball. And I’ve never been on Oprah. Too rough & tumble for her. And I removed “Hey, Faggot” of my own accord—long after winning the battle to use it. But, hey, tell yourself whatever comforting lies you care to. I mean, there must be some reason why a hack faggot like me can make a living writing and an amazing talent like yours goes unrecognized, year after year, crap play after crap play.-Dan

LONGENBAUGH (FOLGER) VS. SAVAGE, PT. 2

HEY DAN: I apologize for comments made by my friend Tom in an e-mail to you. I knew he was a bit pissed off by The Stranger listing (the question of attribution on the play “Influence” is somewhat more complicated than you assume) but I didn’t expect him to shoot off a response. I would have advised him against it, as I’ve never found sending notes to either you or The Stranger to be of any use whatsoever. I also don’t know where he got the idea that “Savage” isn’t your last name. I had never assumed that it wasn’t, myself. I kind of wish you’d left me out of your correspondence though. I’ve never particularly understood your odd desire for dick-swinging when the subject of my writing comes up. This is the third or fourth time that I’ve received a long rant from you (this time not even in response to something that I’d written) where you’ve felt it necessary to knock my career as a writer. One time, as I recall, you actually replied to an e-mail I’d written to Christopher Frizzelle about some of his writing, in which you calling me a “failed playwright.” Considering that this correspondence wasn’t actually addressed to you, this was sort of weird and a little stalker-ish. Are we in competition or something? Are you writing plays on the side? Are you under the illusion that I really, really want to be a sex columnist? What’s funny is that I actually like some of your writing. And your work as a director, while hit-and-miss (sums up the theatrical experience, of course), was often inspired. Everything you directed became a sex farce, but some of them were very funny sex farces. I wish you made some time to do more theatre. You may not believe this, but I have never envied your success at all. You’ve made a place for yourself as an alternative weekly editor and weirdly enough as an alternative sex advice columnist, which I’ll bet you never thought would be the key to semi-celebrity status. Good for you. It would never be a career that I’d want for myself but I’m glad that it’s made you a comfortable living and given you some fame. So, why the hell do you feel it necessary to attack me over and over again? Why waste print space in The Stranger? Why take the time to compose an e-mail? Why be a bully? You have nothing to gain from it except maybe a certain tight little smugness in your chest that passes for satisfaction. After 10 years of this treatment from you, I’ve had enough. Lay off. I’m serious. Stop picking on me. I am so tired of your weird invective that seems to be based upon some old grudge that feels like it’s from high school. I guess because I wrote for the Weekly for a few years I made some weird enemies list of yours. You may still be in high school but I graduated some time ago. (How old are you? I just turned 40.) [Ed. Note: Dan Savage is a firm, fit 34 years of age.]

If you really must continue with your weird obsession, if you want to plaster my picture all over The Stranger again or write editorials condemning me and my plays or even just continue this weird adolescent sniping, I guess I can’t stop you. But I really have to question whether or not it’s worth your effort. Aren’t there some big important people out there who deserve more of your time? Because I’m bored of this and I’m bored of you. Sincerely. John

[to be continued…]

P.S. DO YOU NEED AN INTERN?

DEAR MS. BARNETT: I would like to thank you (and your predecessor Josh Feit) for your continuing coverage of the Seattle City Council. I love Seattle. Nothing would make me happier than seeing it on its way to becoming one of the greatest cities in this country. Thanks in large part to your coverage of city council politics in The Stranger I have taken an interest in joining the process. I would like to help Seattle grow in size and stature. I’m only a 21-year-old student at the University of Washington, so I’m busy working on my economics and philosophy dual-major, thinking about graduate school, and finding internships for this summer. However, thanks to your engaging coverage, in the event I do not find a summer internship, I plan to devote myself full-time to one of the campaigns for the city council or mayor’s office. To that end (and without being an undue burden), I hope I can contact you in the future to guide me to where I can find more information on the candidates. Sincerely. Colin Miller

STILL KNEE DEEP IN THE MOCHA

STRANGER: Thank you for posting the Starbucks company theme song on the internet [Last Days, March 2]. Now, no matter how bad my day is, I can listen to this song and realize at least I am not the people that thought this company song was the way to say ‘thanks’ or motivate its employees. And worse yet, they all received a copy of it? Too funny. Thanks for the laugh, Stranger (or Starbucks?).

Becky

DON’T YOU REMEMBER?

EDITOR: Thank you for alerting your readership to the Jefferson Starbucks song, “We Built This Starbucks.” After foolishly downloading it from The Stranger website this afternoon, I am truly horrified. The situation was not made better by the pseudo-psychedelic screen that accompanied the song on my computer’s media player.

I hope Jefferson Starbucks is a one-hit wonder and that the Starbucks corporation never again considers spending what was probably a huge sum of money on the creation, promotion, and marketing of intolerable crap. I’m sure the attendees of the Starbucks Leadership Conference will have to spend plenty of their own money on therapy for years to come.

Shay Wotring

Seattle

WHY UNFORTUNATE? RONALD IS A PERFECTLY NICE NAME

DEAR STRANGER STAFF: Thank you very much for spending the time to attend the “People Doing Strange Things with Electricity” show at CoCa [“Strange Currency,” Nate Lippens, Feb. 24]. Thank you even more for enjoying my husband’s piece, Intravital. Unfortunately, his name is Ronald, not Robert Lambert. [Ed. Note: Mr. Lambert’s name was misprinted in materials printed by the gallery.] For an emerging artist, the press regarding the show has been quite exciting. I hope you attend future shows of his. Thank you.

Ruth Zelanski

SHE DIDN’T COME HERE TO PLAY GRAB-ASS

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: I was parked on The Ave yesterday afternoon, beginning to feed change into my parking meter when I felt someone grab a handful of my ass. Shocked, I turned around to see this black man standing there looking at me. Now, I’m no genius, but isn’t it customary to LEAVE the scene of a crime after it’s been committed? Well there he stood lookin’ like I was gonna turn around and thank him. I felt this sudden rush of anger and the feeling of being violated surge through me, so (against what some may say was better judgment) I wound up and slapped the fucker hard, right across the face. He pulled back his fist to hit me and I waited to feel knuckles on my face, when he turned around and walked away. Nobody came to ask me if I was all right. Some girl in a green shirt on a cell phone walked right past me. Fortunately, I looked across the street and noticed a woman and man talking and looking at me. I asked if they had seen what happened, she nodded and waved me over just as I broke down in shaking and tears. Here is the point of my writing this letter, this happened in BROAD DAYLIGHT, no one came up to me to see if I was OK, and there wasn’t a cop in sight. I was asked by the woman if I wanted to press charges, but it would most likely end up being fruitless. So instead, I am writing to you in the hopes that you will publish this letter and others who have had similar experiences will speak up. I really feel like they should police that area better, especially considering all the hot young college girls in short skirts down there. No one should have to feel unsafe in the middle of the day out in public. Shame on Seattle for allowing things like that to happen when it could be curbed at the least. And for anyone who might say I was probably asking for it, fuck off! I didn’t ask to be violated, and I wasn’t dressed inappropriately. No one deserves to be violated. Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I need some support here.

Pissed off, at the least.

North Seattle, WA

UH, NOTED

EDITOR: One of the most biased, politically correct” but factually false phrases of our day is the phrase we read almost daily in the media - “constitutional separation of church and state.” Our courts rule again and again using that phrase.

Will our courts and our media ever face the truth of history that “separation of church and state” is not a creation of the Constitution. It is a creation of the judiciary (i.e. Everson vs. The Board of Education, 1947). Nowhere in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights or in the very detailed Congressional Records of the proceedings and debates developing these documents, can the phase “separation of church and state” be found. That phrase does not exist anywhere in American history until over a decade after the Constitution was written (Jefferson -1801).

News Flash!! Thomas Jefferson, who originated the phrase “separation of church and state,” was not involved in the writing of either the Constitution or the Bill of Rights! When these documents were being written, Jefferson was serving in Europe as America’s Ambassador to France.

Prior to 1947, Jefferson was quoted only one time in a Supreme Court case. Since 1947, he has been quoted (and misrepresented) over 3000 times as the primary authority on the Constitution even though he was not involved in its writing.

I challenge both the media and the judges to have the courage to say it correctly. It isn’t “constitutional separation of church and state.” It is “judicial separation of church and state.”

Steve Casey

Stonewall, LA

IMPURE POLICEWORK

CHARLES MUDEDE: In regard to your February 17 “Police Beat,” did it never occur to you that this was a perfect example of race-based policing, are you without independent thought, or are you just firmly in the pocket of the cops? Obviously a “buy” was going down that was set-up by the two white males in the gold cadillac, apparently from the wealthier part of town. Yet the police did not wait for the transaction to be completed--they intervened in time to prevent it, and an “investigating” them, allowed the white males (who probably made such purchases before) to get away scot-free. Their rich parents ought not be troubled by such embarassing events. Doubtless the two white males—their hearts racing—thanked God for their “good fortune.” Blacks are arrested on drug charges at seven times the rate of whites, and this is a perfect example of why the activity such statistics are based upon should be a matter of public discussion. But what do you have to say? “What we want out of day’s work is this kind of purity.” An unbelievably naive observation. This is about as far from “pure” as policing can be.

Mark

Seattle

THE MORNING AFTER

HELLO: Last night (March 5, 2005) I was at the Nite Lite and got my picture taken for the “Drunk of the Week.” At the time—due the the fact I was drunk—I thought it was a great idea to have my picture taken for your newspaper. Now that I’m sober I’m very upset with myself about getting my picture taken. I have no idea if my picture is even going to be published. I was told by Kelly, the girl who took my picture, that she would contact me to double check to make sure it was still all right to have my picture published. I have not heard from her, so I’m sending this email to ask you to please NOT publish my picture. If you have to publish the picture, I ask that you remove my name. Please reply back to me and let me know one way or the other. Thank you for your time.

Name Withheld For Decency’s Sake