HEY THERE STRANGER: The handwritten look you did this week [Jan 6] was cute for about 10 seconds, then just wore out my eyes to read. Please don't belabor the joke by repeating it in future issues."Enzo," Microsoft, via e-mail

STRANGER: Finally, an issue that highlights the most important aspect of the paper -- THE ADS! Watch it, you're getting as boring as The Rocket.Anonymous, Seattle

STRANGER: Fucking unreadable. Idiotic. A waste of a week of your time. Please don't do this ever again.Craig Montgomery, via e-mail

EDITORS: What the hell is up with the issue written nearly entirely in script?! I didn't finish many of the articles, because deciphering chicken scratch is not something I want to do when reading an otherwise enjoyable newspaper -- it's tedious. Don't do it again!Diane Zaugg, via e-mail

DEAR STRANGER: What is up with Alexandra Holly-Gottlieb's recent story, "Olympic Lame-os?" [Dec 30, 1999.] She interviewed a handful of state legislators, and on the basis of a couple of phone calls, deduced that they "are using every excuse to avoid making pledges to get anything done." After a quick and superficial summary of five or six legislators' top items, she criticized "the lackluster tone [and] the incoherent agenda" they present. She made uneducated slams on individual legislators without having spent any time in Olympia, and evidently without any understanding of the complex Olympia scene.

We deserve better political reporting than that. Choose what kind of paper you are. Don't pretend to be heavy-duty reporters with real experience, whose opinions deserve respect, if your goal is to attract readers using a Rush Limbaugh-like style instead. Forget the research; forget the facts; but remember that you are dancing on the reputation of good people.

Claudia Newman

DEAR EDITORS: I'm writing in response to your "Judgment Day: We're All Screwed" article [Brian Salmi, Dec 30, 1999]. I normally don't read The Stranger, and now I know why. I have no desire as a Christian in "condemning you to hell," so I hope this note will not be too disappointing because of its lack of pessimism and vulgarity. After all, wouldn't that be a perfect rebuttal to an angry, philosophical position such as yours?

I don't place all the blame on you for finding Jesus guilty of such self-righteous and hypocritical claims. We've all seen the "hell-damnation"-finger-pointing preachers on TV, and have heard various claims such as psychos killing abortion doctors all for the sake of Jesus. However, it seems to me that you would have enough intelligence to make a distinction between a freak giving Jesus a bad name and a person who has found peace in something greater than themselves. Unfortunately, it's the person quietly loving Jesus and others who we, as a world, often overlook.

Why am I writing? Why do I care what you think? Because it makes me crazy that Christians (so-called Christ-like individuals), and others, point fingers at individuals who truly don't understand the love and grace of Christ. They themselves are missing what Jesus came to proclaim. Your article is just one more piece of evidence of a huge misunderstanding. If you really understood what Jesus was about, and why He walked this earth, you would have your "one" question answered. "Why didn't He (Jesus) make a mistake?" A great start would be John 1:1.

Anonymous Christian, Seattle

THE STRANGER RESPONDS: Just for the record, Mr. Salmi never posed the question, "Why didn't He (Jesus) make a mistake?" He asked, "If you [God] don't make mistakes, why are you here?" And while we're on the subject of mistakes, though Jesus loves us, we know for a fact that He hates passive-aggressive "anonymous" Christian martyrs.

ERIN FRANZMAN: You say you love a good conspiracy theory and I hope that's true ["Apocalypse of the King," Dec 30, 1999], but I cannot believe what you write. You are full of fear and all you need is love. Give up music and have a baby. George [Harrison] lives, no thanks to you. It appears that his would-be assassin, a U2 fan, found your happy little website [www.elvis-conspiracy.com]. And who do you think assassinated John [Lennon]? George, the Dark Horse (like Jesus), survived. I can excuse your fear-mongering, written last year in the throes of your Y2K media delirium. The new year began with a peaceful celebration. Seattle didn't get blown up by an errant missile (yet). George lives; the artistic expression of the Beatles continues to inspire; and we can create a world [by] giving peace a chance. Erin Franzman, quit polluting this fine rag with your bullshit.

Love, "Rev Free Golf," Portland, OR

EDITORS: I was disappointed to pick up The Stranger recently and find that Clark Humphrey's "X-word" [crossword puzzle] had disappeared. Seemingly, this integral part of your paper is gone for good! I admit, Mr. Humphrey was sometimes a bit absurd. ("Items in Michael Stipe's fireplace: 'remembers,'" for example. Oy!) But it was as important to me as Last Days, Savage Love, Police Beat... and that person who incessantly submits personals that are completely disgusting and bloody, only to close with "No weirdos, please." (I love that!)

Jef Hoskins, Seattle

SHIRLEY RODELL-SZYZMYJEC: In response to your telling the Jerky Boys to "get a new idea already" [TTS, Jan 6]: That's like telling the Murder City Devils to try their hand at smooth jazz, jerky!

Anonymous, via e-mail

CHOW/RESTAURANT EDITOR: I write in hopes that you will stop running constant restaurant reviews by Jim Anderson, whom I find very bland. I really enjoyed the colorful pieces by Matthew Stadler, Riz Rollins, and Stacey Levine, and find them more informative about the food and atmospherics of local eateries as well!

Miles Abelson, Seattle

KATHLEEN: Sorry to hear about your New Year's Eve ["Crappy New Year," Kathleen Wilson, Jan 6]. We can't help with the general problem of bullshit millennium hype, but we do have a suggestion as to how to avoid wasting $20 on bad Ecstasy. We have Ecstasy testing kits here at our store on Capitol Hill. They are $5, and easy to use. A drop of the solution can tell you whether the pill you have contains MDMA, speed, other chemicals, or is completely bunk. There is a lot of bad E going around in Seattle that's making people sick (or just pissed off).

The staff at Raverbooks, 1205 E. Pike St.

KATHLEEN: We know you're pals with those wild and woolly MURDER CITY DEVILS. Sheesh, it's fine to be friends with 'em and all, but do you hafta mention them every time one of 'em gets drunk or cuts a fart? Sure, they're probably one of the better live bands in town (that's not a backhanded compliment), but the whole stoogy dead-boy rock 'n' roll rehash is getting to be a bit old. Besides, having to look at their weekly faux tough-guy promo photo replete with rectangle eyeglasses and boy-band poses is pushing me close to the brink! Please, no more.... P.S. And that goes for SLEATER-KINNEY, THE CATHETERS, and before you get started, THE NOW, too!

Chris, via e-mail

DEAR EDITOR: It never ceases to amaze me how angry and profane most of your "letters to the editor" are. It seems your readers are linguistically unable to express themselves forcibly without resorting to ugly words and name-calling. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought the letters page of a publication was the place for the civil discourse of ideas and opinions. Your page is a very uncivil forum for diatribes and rants, and as such, serves no useful purpose.

R. Knudson, Capitol Hill

MURDER CITY MAILBAG