PRECIOUS

DEAR EDITOR: After waking up on a rainy Thursday morning in a foul mood, I was pretty much resigned to the fact that the rest of my day was just going to get worse. I happened to pick up the September 14 Stranger at my bus stop and started to read. Read my usual Savage Love, I Anonymous, Last Days, and just started flicking through until I saw the picture of the man or woman (can't really tell) and his or her cat eating an a ear of corn together [page 90]. It was so overwhelmingly cute that it made me unleash a loud "Awwwwww." Needless to say, everyone around me wanted to see what was so cute and so for the rest of the commute everyone who had a pet talked about the strange and hilarious things that their pets have done to brighten their days. So I wanted to say thank you for printing that random picture and brightening my day.

Rashaan Leex

CIENNA MISSED THE ART!

EDITOR: All I can say is yes, Cienna Madrid does "suck at art"! ["Burned Out," Sept 14.] She entirely missed the point of Burning Man.

If you want to know about stuff other than superficial clueless guy sex and drug adventures, see the June/July issue of Art in America. Try the last issue of the Public Art Review, www.burningman.com, www.blackrockarts.org, and www.burnerswithoutborders.org.

You do your readers a disservice by printing this extremely cynical,lowest-common-denominator article. Why don't you send an intelligent writer who will focus on the art instead of the shenanigans of desperate guys? There's so much more to Burning Man than what this writer experienced. This kind of "journalism" makes your paper seem like a frat-boy rag.

Christine Kristen, AKA LadyBee
Art Curator, Burning Man

MORE MAN WHORES

DEAR STRANGER AND SEATTLE: I adore you both! You're sexy, smart, hip, and progressive. Which is why I expected so much more from the HUMP! competition. I expected to laugh, to be a little grossed out, and to learn a thing or two from diverse, amateur Seattleites. Instead I witnessed (in addition to many entertaining and artful films!) multiple instances of all-white, misogynistic hardcore made by not-so-amateurs. The show would have at least been egalitarian had a MAN been strapped down and fucked in multiple orifices, had a MAN received six facials and called himself a whore, and had a MAN been gangbanged. You, Seattle, seem to think that porn has to degrade women in order to be outrageous. I loved the strap-ons, fairies, and saltshakers; but where were the fetishists, dykes, and black cocks? And you, Stranger, seem to think that we should pay $20 to see fucking and blowing like what we can get for free on the internet. The people in the audience with me clearly enjoyed the lighthearted and creative films more. The vote count and numerous comments on Slog back that up. Spare us watching further trite, male-dominated screwing and have higher standards next year.

Leigh Ann Johnson

SATISFIED CUSTOMER

DEAR STRANGER: Congratulations to The Stranger and all of the HUMP! participants for once again assembling the coolest independent film event in town. After watching last year's movies, I felt like I learned a lot of new stuff. This year, however, I am left only with questions and am hoping that somebody might be able to answer them for me:

1. Is that where "Jack sauce" comes from?

2. How exactly does one have "safe sex" with a wooden deck? Isn't that dude worried about splinters?

3. Would Bo Logan ever consider running for mayor? (Because I would vote for him.)

4. How does a person figure out that they have a thing for "hangers"? And what was the deal with that cat? Should I be calling the SPCA?

5. What did Elvis and the Beast say to that woman to convince her to participate? Did they really kidnap her with duct tape?

6. If one cowgirl drinks a blast of semen out of a shot glass and the other coughs up a hunk of snot and drinks that instead, does the first cowgirl feel better or worse about her choice?

7. How does a guy end up with such a big, saggy scrotum? Is it due to some special sort of exercise or is it just growing room for his stomach if he ever decides to put on an extra 75 pounds? Is a humongous nutsack a prized commodity in the gay community? Are there fetish magazines that specialize in giant, sloppy ballsacks? Also, how does the other dude keep from suffocating in it?

8. Did Booker Hoss's dad not have time to fix the wheel because he was too busy working as talent in the gangbang scene?

After sitting on the sidelines for two years and watching how much fun everyone is having, I have decided to dive in and put together a HUMP! entry for next year. Can you guys get me the phone number of the girl from Getting a Leg Up on Porn, so I can "audition" her? Thanks!

Clint Berquist

CORRECTION: One of the DJs at the HUMP! afterparty at Havana was misidentified in last week's issue ["Gushing with Talent" Sept 14]. It was, in fact, the fabulous DJ Curtis spinning. We regret the error.