Five hundred years ago, a fame-horny little go-getter named Madonna kicked off her first major tour at Seattle’s Paramount Theater, and something happened that made her vow to never return to the region. Five hundred years later, the Queen of Pop eats her words and causes several thousand Northwesterners to pee their pants in excitement. Here’s the thing about Madonna: She’s smart, smart enough to know singing is the least of her talents, and her legendarily extravagant tours are all about diversion—dance, erotica, stage combat, jokes, and eye-poppingly grand gestures. (KeyArena, Seattle Center,, 8 pm, $45–$355[!!!], all ages)

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