I get a lot of e-mails that begin something like this: Mistress, I want to be your slave. I want you to [insert nasty fantasy here]. Now, I understand fantasies, but if you want a personal relationship with a dominant, don't start off by telling the dominant what to do. Let me give you an example of one bottom's courtship strategy that worked--against all odds.
It was almost five years ago. I was going through an extremely unpleasant divorce, and I was feeling more tense and defensive than an airport on September 11. The mildest flirtatious remark from anyone was enough to start me edging out of a room. I remember bursting into tears when some innocent person asked me to play. Not a very sex-positive time in my life.
However, I was booked to teach a BDSM workshop at Toys in Babeland, and the show must go on. So I duly appeared on the night of the class to teach fledgling kinksters about safewords and spankings.
Now, the TIB staff is perpetually yummy. But there was a particularly handsome butch boi working there then who, in better days, had caught my eye most pleasantly. As I was setting up for the class, we chatted a bit, and a few minutes later I saw her talking to a friend of mine. I taught the first half of the class and then called for a 10-minute break. The cute boi came up to me. "Ma'am?" she said shyly. "I thought you might be thirsty." And she offered me some of my favorite brand of soda. You see, she'd found out from my friend what I liked to drink, and then while I was teaching she'd gone to the store to buy it for me. "Oh, I didn't know whether you liked it with ice or not, but I got you some just in case."
Well. How could I not be charmed by such a gesture? And how could I pass up the opportunity to find out what else such a smart and thoughtful boi might have to offer me? There was quite a lot, as it turned out, and we went on to have a delightful relationship. Because she began by demonstrating she wanted to give as well as take, I let down my defenses. So what's the lesson, would-be submissives? If you want people's attention, find out what they want and how you might be able to give it to them.
