I know what youâre thinking. If Iâm so proud of my friendship with Michael, why donât I use my name? Because. As Michael said, the world is full of cold-hearted people who canât understand true goodness and only want to believe the worst about people. Also I donât want Gloria Allred showing up and trying to make me sue Michaelâs estate or something. Have you ever seen her close-up? She looks like a melting wax Muppet. âMelting wax Muppet!â Michael and I would squeal whenever we saw her on TV. Then weâd cheer ourselves up by playing Fuzzy Bumpers, this game where you take off your shirt and pants, and have a tickle fight in a fur sleeping bag with the lights off.
Why are you looking at me like that? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MICHAEL WARNED ME ABOUT. âPeople donât understand truly good and innocent loving friendship,â heâd say. Then weâd play Crazy Birthdayâthatâs where you get a huge cake then take off your shirt and pants, and have a crazy cake fight! Afterward Iâd be covered in frosting, and Michael would play Cat Mommy and lick it all off!
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. THERE WAS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT IT, YOU PERVS. Like Michael said, some people are so frightened of goodness theyâll make up lies to destroy it. And itâs true. Everyone acts like Michaelâs supposed to be this huge monster. But would a monster let me stay at his house and eat all the candy I wanted? Would a monster pay for my little sisterâs skin grafts? Would a monster make sure to give my mom a check each and every time we visited?
Itâs people like you who drove Michael to go join the angels. I hope youâre happy.