Excellent

LITTLE ORPHAN ANI

TYLENOL TALENT

STUPID BLOODY STUPID!

Interview

All the News That Didn't Fit

On the Record

The Olympia Connection, Or Lack Thereof

Excellent

The Numbness Is Just a Bonus

Hiphop City

WEEN ARE THE WORLD

Soul by the Pound

EXCELLENT REAL ROCK QUOTES

Incest is Best

The Rise and Fall of the N-Word

DEXYS MIDNIGHT RUNNERS

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, Tell the Truth Anyway

You Don't Own Me

Summer Lovin'

Stagger Lee

Boy, You Sure Can Take the Fun Out of Music

CINEMATIC CLICHE

Stuart Braithwaite From Mogwai

Going to New York City?

THE CHURCH OF COLTRANE

A Whole N'other Level

Who Says Morrissey Fans Don't Get Laid?

ISSA ROCKA ROLL

Not Modest Enough

THE BUZZCOCKS

It don't breathe and it don't bleed

it's locked its jaws and now it's swallowing

The music coming out of my speakers was from the Afghan Whigs' album Gentlemen. I was sitting at my desk in the proverbially funky office of a dying startup that had been bleeding employees for a few weeks. I had finally decided to quit my job. I couldn't stay there any longer and watch my colleagues (my friends) mourning the loss of our glorious website.

I've got a dick for a brain

and my brain is gonna sell my ass to you

A bigwig in the porn industry had funded us. He gave us a million dollars and said, "Here, build a web magazine that isn't porn." So we did. And it was the coolest place I've ever worked. As far as I was concerned, it was the perfect blend of work and play: The harder I worked, the more fun it was.

This ain't about regret

it's when I tell the truth

But it ended as abruptly as it had begun. The porn guy called up and said, "Okay, you're not making any money, and my porn sites are. So if you want to keep working for me, you're going to have to stop doing that magazine and write copy for one of my new porn websites." And just like that, although none of us had anything against porn, it wasn't our web magazine anymore.

I get to dress up and play the assassin again

it's my favorite -- it's got personality

So people began quitting. But a few of us stayed behind, working the new porn site, watching everybody else disappear. Somebody moved to L.A. and got a six-figure job. Somebody else joined a new startup that had just gotten a zillion dollars out of some venture capital corporation. I had started looking for another job, too. It was like going back to dating after having been in a relationship you didn't want to end. It actually hurt. It was like being assassinated, but without any fanfare.

Let me drink, let me tie it off

I'm really slobbering now

I started getting stoned and eating all the time. I went out and bought all three Harry Potter novels and read them whenever my mind started to wander -- I wanted a powerful fantasy to take me away from that depressing office, day after day. Everybody else who was working the porn site was doing similar things. And you know what? The porn sucked. It wasn't even a quality porn site.

I wanna leave you

but I just can't leave you

I cranked it up and filled the empty office with a wailing male voice. Four desks over, one of the remaining employees looked at me sadly. "Is that Dinosaur Jr.?" he asked. "Nope," I said, staring at a blank wall.