Stop everything. All the war, all the hate, all the fucking shopping—and go download the Sta Hi Brothas' Christmas Trees. I know the holidays are mostly behind us now that you hate your family, your job, your life, but this will make it better. Ride along as Vitamin D, Maine, and Grynch plot on Santa's holdings, especially if that fat fuck didn't bring you shit but an Applebee's gift card and an overdue notice from Sallie Mae. The best way to get it, far as I can tell, is to stalk Vita's Twitter @tallhomeyvita.
I have to say this: I just can't read goddamn rap magazines anymore. Every time I've tried to for the last, oh, three years, I just find myself stunned at how fucking stupid everything is and end up feeling old as the hills and light-years out of touch. Even/especially XXL, which I used to enjoy quite a bit, as it once seemed super-sharp, and at least with its first issue (Jay-Z/Too $hort cover, son) seemed like it would pick up the slack left by the glorious Ego Trip. Or maybe I was just dumber then. Honestly, I think I started hating XXL when they fired their shit-talking, conflict-of-interest-flaunting EIC Elliott Wilson (also one of the minds behind Ego Trip). Coincidentally, this was right around the time that they started doing their yearly Top 10 Freshmen cover, which has helped launch such legendary careers as Papoose, Ace Hood, Donnis, and Lil Twist. HOWEVER: My guy Macklemore is up for this very cover in 2012 (a prediction I and a few others made this year), and I am very proud of him. So I put my distaste for the mag aside and voted for Mack to represent himself and our region on the cover of rap's biggest magazine next year, and if you feel the same way, then you do so too, at XXLmag.com. Or you can just vote for V-Nasty, like I know you want to. Or you can just bitch about it not being you, or your boy, or your crew; surely your bitter and self-centered approach is what the town needs more of. Either way, voting is dunski as of January 1.
But first comes New Year's, with all of the rookie drinking, drunk driving, and insanely overpriced parties you could possibly handle. You, my friend, have got plenty of events with which to ring in the last year of the Mayan calendar. A few that might interest readers of this column include the Physics, DJ Topspin, and Malice & Mario Sweet at Fred Wildlife Refuge; Andre Nickatina at Studio Seven; Metal Chocolates, Don't Talk to the Cops!, Katie Kate, and OC Notes at Chop Suey; and Starfucker and Champagne Champagne at the Crocodile. Whatever it is you choose, drink water, be cool, be near the people you want to be near (or at least be texting those people), be present, and be ready for all that 2012 will bring. Here we go.