"As lyrical lessons manifest, I will keep you/Abreast of the best, in this rap mess/ Oversaturated market, full of wackness…"

You know him, B… That legendary monotone that has blessed the very best DJ Premier productions for years. The dude who went for delfia with his ambitious Jazzmatazz LPs, the last of which was a slept-on hiphop/soul project. The Ill Kid, Gifted Unlimited Rhymes Universal, AKA the fuckin' Guru, is bringing "the Voice" to Chop Suey on April 20, baby. You miss it, you might get cussed out. If somehow you ain't up to speed on one of the best rap groups of all time, Gangstarr, go get familiar with their classic-heavy catalog quick before someone asks to see your credentials… hiphop checkpoints are being set up as we speak.

That same evening, those freaks from SSP (that's Seattle Semi-Pro Wrestling) will be keeping it real "throwed" at the Fenix Underground with "Chronic Pain"--featuring their trademark tomfoolery and live music from Project Mayhem and DJ Naha. While perhaps not typically associated together in one's mind, rap and pro wrestling are truly two great tastes that taste great together. Yo, if you can tell the difference between the WCW and, say, your average Hot 97 broadcast, then bully for you, 'cause I sure as hell can't.

"I'm a slow typer, a so-so writer/Been the shit ever since I was an infant in diapers/And I'm'a be dope, all the way to the end/From the cradle to the grave, the Pampers to the Depends…"

Yes, the flagship of the Rhymesayers Entertainment armada, Atmosphere, is rocking Neumo's April 14. This time around, instead of the usual Slug/Mr. Dibbs magic, it's Sluggo rhyming with a live band. Make sure to check it, especially seeing as it's Grayskul's homecoming before heading out to finish out the At It Again Tour. I don't think this one will be under-attended, as Seattle hearts RSE; more to the point, RSE loves Seattle, what with the 'Skul whirlwinding through cities, Boom Bap Project set to drop Reprogram in June, and Vitamin D in the lab cooking up some marvelous shit.

April 15 check out a FREE all ages show brought to you by those steady-on-the-grind Blue Scholars--plus Lightheaded, Specs One, and the stylings of Fraggle Rock, all at the UW HUB North Husky Den. Get a wristband day of show and you're good.

Last but not least, I also got to give it up to Davey D for Best April Fool's prank, as he had fools in a tizzy after posting on message boards that a fictional marketing exec, in a bid to lure the hiphop market to the dark side, offered upward of a cool mil to rappers willing to plug conservative policy in their raps. Why not? Who's as gangsta as the GOP? Materialism, gats, and crack slangin' are just a few of the things held near and dear by both Repubs and top rappers… so it's not such a far cry. The prank is of course on the heels of McDonald's offering big bucks to those willing to namecheck Big Macs in their hot 16s. Bonecrusher, your 15 minutes may have just been extended.