As most of you know, my short, troubled life was a whirlwind of activity. What with the child stardom, substance abuse, armed robbery, and suicide attempts, I hardly had a moment to collect my thoughts! But here in the afterlife, I've got an eternity to mull over all those things my busy life on earth forced me to ignore, such as the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. In case you don't know, NATO is an international organization founded in 1949, whose members have pledged to settle disputes among themselves peacefully and defend one another against outside aggressors, which I think is just great. On Diff'rent Strokes, we always worked to settle our disputes peacefully, which wasn't always easy! It's hard to stay civil when one of your co-stars is making three times your salary just because he's a midget with a liver disease and a catch phrase. But we managed, and whenever trouble arose--when "the Gooch" stole Arnold's lunch money, or that fucking Webster tried to steal our thunder--we all pulled together and triumphed as a team!

NATO--you're great-o!