I didn't get to the benefit fundraiser for the Boys & Girls Club (disguised as an '80s-themed party) until it was already a disheveled mess of makeup and bangles. Girls in bright yellow spandex who could barely stand were luring boys with wigs and denim cutoffs into the bathroom, slurring something about Israel and Palestine along the way. Others, tapped out and stripping off their white leather heels, found shelter with their furry boyfriends. Promises of catered delights and booze aplenty were fulfilled, and DJ Synister kept the dwindling heart rate up with old-school hiphop and all the dance favorites.

An abrasive dude in a blue Gilligan sailor hat was ready to engage in a serious conversation on journalism and, in particular, The Stranger's "unbiased gay liberal bias." He suggested we hire certified Republicans, or no one will take us seriously. I seriously didn't want to miss Madonna and the gay liberals in the other room, so I left. On the way, I bumped into a real live grown-up who didn't get the memo that this was a costume party, choosing instead to wear his best khakis and blue button-up.

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The outside patio was alive with cheap smokes and celebratory cheers that unemployment benefits had recently increased. We all shared a collective nod that Reagan may have ruined our economy in the '80s, but the joy of people getting all gussied up to dance and drink themselves silly (while selflessly raising money for our local community programs) will never die. recommended

Want The Stranger to throw condoms everywhere and declare that every day is AIDS Awareness Day at your house party? Send the date, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.