As Party Crasher approaches in her Max-from-Where-the-Wild-Things-Are jumpsuit, a sexy witch standing on the porch enviously comments, "You must be so warm." Inside, a bedazzled Lady Gaga announces to the party, "I love Halloween. I can dress like a slut, and no one is going to say anything." An escaped mental patient counters, "I spent $70 on a [sexy] Red Riding Hood costume, and I just felt really uncomfortable with how men looked at me."

Lady Gaga acquiesces, "If you dress in something clever but not revealing and walk into a roomful of Playboy Bunnies, no one is going to talk to you. It's almost like it's the only way to get attention as a female." A boisterous Captain Steve Zissou interjects, "It's empowering to be proud of your body and to knowingly use it," before wandering off to kill the shark that ate his best friend.

Support The Stranger

A 22nd-century college student rolls her eyes and adds, "It's like the conundrum of a female comedian: If you try to be funny rather than sexy, you're defeminized. Halloween is really just a symptom of the usual misogynistic cultural trends." Dr. Mrs. The Monarch takes a more moderate approach, "I just like making costumes. If the character is sexy, I'm sexy. If it's not, I'm not. I don't really care." The conversation is derailed; a man named Muffin in a giant inflatable reindeer head enters the kitchen, blindly attempting to imbibe sustenance through a strategically placed straw. recommended

Want The Stranger to spend a good portion of your house party debating a recent essay by Dan Savage? Send the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.

Sponsored