What is it about the coming of spring and the anniversary of Zombie Jesus that makes people want to dress up like a bag of Jordan almonds? This week's "Springtime Pastel Party" finds Carrie and Rachelle's apartment full of people decked out in their Easter Sunday best, but the only thing they hold on high is a bottle and a dance beat.

In case you were wondering, here's how to infuriate a DJ: When he steps away for a break, take control of the iPod plugged into his mixer and refuse to give it back when he returns. Then get up on top of his DJ booth and step all over his turntables. He will leave and take his speakers with him, almost destroying the party. After that, you better hope the remaining speakers get loud enough to keep a dance floor wild.

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As the night progresses, more and more sketchy dudes make their way through the door, and they are not wearing pastel. The party comes to a crashing halt when it's discovered somebody made their way into a bedroom to ransack purses. One girl's keys and wallet are missing, then her $20,000 car. As everyone is freaking out, some girl in the living room starts spouting off about how "we shouldn't care so much about possessions." Though her words are Christly, they offer no consolation to someone who just had their shit stolen, and she is yelled at until she leaves. The party has died. But rest assured, it will rise again. JEFF KIRBY

Want The Stranger to eat the face off the decorative bread rabbit at your party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.