We're here to celebrate the birthday of Thee Emergency's lead singer, Dita Vox. Dita is celebrating her own birthday by... tending bar at the party. "I feel comfortable behind a bar. It's what I do," she explains, and she is good at it, laughing with guests and generally being the life of her own party. There are well over 100 people packed into the garage, so I head upstairs, to the porch, where a young man loans two partiers his beautiful blown-glass (tobacco) pipe.

"Just don't break that (tobacco) pipe," he says to the two drunken smokers. "It's my girlfriend's. Okay?" The smokers agree not to break the (tobacco) pipe. Almost immediately there's a shattering noise—the (tobacco) pipe fell as one smoker handed it to the other. "Fuck! You broke my girlfriend's fucking (tobacco) pipe!"

"I apologize," the dropper says. "It was entirely my fault. I'd give you some money, but I'm broke. What can I do?"

"You can give me your shirt," the offended man says.*

"What, you wanna touch my ball sack, too?" snaps the dropper, adding: "You're a consumerist zombie motherfucker!"

A bit of a shouting match ensues, with the dropper giving a touchingly wrongheaded lecture on personal responsibility. There's some noise from the garage and we head downstairs to hear Lavender Lunchbox and the Psychedelic Lightbulb—a psych-rock supergroup composed of members of Iceage Cobra and Thee Emergency, featuring Dita Vox's young-Aretha-on-acid vocals. They're so fucking fantastic that all disputes are forgotten, as though solved by some musical, psychedelic Judge Wapner. Case closed.

*For the record, it's a really nice shirt.

Want that guy with a two-liter bottle of Coke and a fifth of whiskey to call The Stranger, "You dumb-ass fuckin' bitchass motherfucker!" at your house party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.