The right foot of U.S. Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) regrets its inability to refuse orders from Mr. Craig's cerebrum—the brain's "motor area"—while in a men's room at the Minneapolis Airport. Senator Craig's right foot would like to clarify that it was not its idea to tap that stranger's foot, signaling Senator Craig's desire to engage in anonymous sexual intercourse in an airport bathroom. Senator Craig's penis, a mangy and degenerate rascal, was responsible for that ill-advised idea.
Senator Craig's right foot would also like to extend its sympathies to other innocent joints, muscles, and appendages that found themselves embroiled in sex scandals this past year. Most notably, the soft palate of Christian megachurch pastor Ted Haggard, the beleaguered kneecaps of Florida state representative Bob Allen, and the long-suffering rectum of Washington state representative Richard Curtis.