My Deathday/North Precinct/Thurs May 9/5:30 pm: This afternoon, a depressed girl walked into the North Precinct with her concerned mother and told Officer Conine this: "I'm planning to commit suicide on May 23, because five is my favorite number and two plus three equals five." Officer Conine later transported the mathematical girl to Harborview Medical Center for "treatment."

Bad Asian Girls, Bad Black Girls/Rainier Valley/Fri May 24/11:42 pm: Tonight, Officer E. Estrada (who may or may not be related to Erik Estrada of the popular '70s cop show CHiPs) was dispatched to South Othello Street to investigate a large brawl. Upon arrival, Officer E. Estrada (who also may or may not be related to Erik-Michael Estrada of O-Town, a boy band created by ABC and MTV for the "reality television" program Making the Band) saw "a large group of Asian and black girls dispersing from the area." Officer E. Estrada made contact with several girls and received different accounts as to why the fight began. All Officer E. Estrada could determine was that three unknown black girls threw balls at Asian girls, and somehow this game (dodge ball? kickball?) turned into "a fight between several Asian females and black females." Here is the casualty list from this mini race war:

1. An Asian girl suffered a head injury and scraped knee.

2. A black girl suffered a sore back and ankle.

3. An Asian girl suffered scrapes on both hands and chin.

4. A black girl suffered a head injury.

5. An Asian girl suffered injuries on the hip and nose.

6. A black girl suffered a sore ankle and knee.

Several girls were transported to Harborview Medical Center for medical treatment, and one boy (whose role in the brawl is unknown) was transported to the South Precinct, where he was interrogated and then released.

Nothing But a Bad Girl/Central District/Sun May 26/5:00 pm: Officer Alcantara writes: "I was dispatched to [a girls' detention center] to investigate an assault [between inmates]. I learned from the staff that the suspect had approached the victim in the gym and said she was going to kick her ass. Then out of nowhere, the suspect punched the victim. The staff pulled the girls apart.... I met with the suspect and advised her Miranda warnings from the SPD Explanation of Rights form. [The girl] acknowledged her rights. She then told me she had been hearing from other girls in the detention center that the victim was going to jump her in the gym, so she did what she did because she was not going to let her get her first. The suspect admitted to punching the victim three times, but firmly reiterated that she did this because she didn't want the victim to get her first." Despite its lucidity, the bad girl's reasoning will probably fail to impress the prosecutor she will have to face in the near future.