Scary South Park

Tears for Vampire Fears/South Park/Sat Oct 19/10:20 pm: Tonight, Detective Christiansen was working off-duty with his partner, Detective Pimentel, at the KISS 106.1 Haunted House on First Avenue South. The haunted house was leased by Pacific Northwest Philanthropy and operated (or apparated) by dedicated student actors who were dressed in various costumes to scare participants going through the building's multiple rooms.

At around 10:20 p.m., security officers contacted Detective Christiansen about an assault on a vampire. The detective was led to a room at the end of the haunted house, where a watery-eyed vampire sat dejectedly on a folding chair. The sad vampire told the detective that he had been doing his routine "jump out, but don't touch" scare for about three hours with no problems. But when he did the routine for an Asian male from Bremerton, the Asian male looked at him and slapped him hard on the left side of his face. The vampire/victim immediately notified security, who in turn contacted Detective Christiansen. The incident was captured by an internal camera.

The suspect/vampire slapper from Bremerton was contacted and detained in the room at the end of the haunted house. At first he denied even touching the vampire/victim, but later admitted that he "probably overreacted" and slapped the vampire/victim "by accident." The suspect/vampire slapper was advised that a report of the incident would be completed, and was released from the location. The vampire returned to his monster routine in one of the multiple rooms in the haunted house on First Avenue South.

The Chicken Witch/South Park/Sun Oct 20/5:44 pm: A woman who lives on Donovan Street told Officer Parker and Officer Ziemer that this afternoon she saw three juveniles enter her yard and look under a blue tarp covering the front of one of the numerous vehicles parked there. When she showed herself to the three children; they screamed and ran away.

The woman explained to the officers that she kept chickens in an open coop on her property, since the city didn't allow her to keep them any other way. The previous Monday, she had reported the theft of a rooster from her open coop. She was positive that the same juveniles she scared off today had taken her rooster, and were also responsible for killing some of her other chickens.

The officers then walked over to the open coop and saw that it contained four hens and several chicks, which, the complainant claimed, were valuable because they were going to be raised to be fighting cocks. Officer Parker writes: "We let her know that we would be glad to speak to those juveniles, but that we couldn't take any other enforcement action due to lack of proof and only circumstantial evidence. The complainant became very irate and said, 'If they do any bodily harm to my animals, I will do bodily harm to [them there children].'" The officer continues, "We next went to contact the juveniles and their parents.... All the children denied having gone to the complainant's yard today or at any other time."

charles@thestranger.com

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