The Crimes of Saturn

Cash Money/Central District/Sat Jan 11/12:15 am: The victim told the reporting officer, Officer Sauer, that "the night before, he had sold a car for cash. Afterward, he went to Oscar's II restaurant for dinner. While there, he bought drinks for friends and admits that he freely displayed a roll of cash." Shortly after midnight, he left Oscar's; shortly after leaving Oscar's, a stranger with short hair, gaps in his teeth, and a loop earring approached him and asked him for the time. The victim gave him the time. The suspect then put his right hand inside of his coat in the breast area and indicated that he had a gun. The suspect said, "No more games; give up the cash." The victim gave him the roll ($1,100). The stranger then fled northeast on Madison Street. The victim asked various people who actually witnessed the robbery if they knew who the suspect was. They did not. Later, a failed SPD area search for the suspect made it clear to everyone that there would be no reunion between the fool and his cash money.

Saturn, Rose, and Bach/Belltown/Mon Jan 13/9:02 am: This morning, Parking Enforcement Officer Rose reported to Officer Bach that she had just been struck by a gold Saturn while placing a ticket on its windshield. The vehicle, which was manned by an Asian male, sped off southbound on Second Avenue. The vehicle assault caused "a small mark across Rose's right finger, and she also complained of transient pain caused by being hit by the antenna, windshield, and wiper blade." Officer Bach writes: "I responded to the area and located the gold Saturn in an alleyway. It was parked. I pulled in behind it and observed an Asian male sitting in the driver's seat. I contacted the driver and detained [him]. Rose responded and positively identified the male as the person who struck her." The Asian male was identified and advised of his Miranda rights.

African Disturbance/International District/Sun Jan 19/9 pm: Upon arrival, Officer Berndt contacted the apartment building's manager (an African American), who stated that an African resident was causing "ongoing disturbances." For example, while taking out the trash from the building on January 8, the manager was confronted by the African in the hallway. The African was intoxicated. The African became angry with him and grabbed the trash can and spilled garbage all over the hallway. The African then picked up some of the trash and threw it at him, yelling, "Now pick up this trash, apartment manager."

On another occasion, January 9, the apartment manager was in the hallway when he saw the African banging on the apartment door of a white American lady, who was home at the time. The African was yelling at the American lady to open the door; the manager then began yelling at the African to stop yelling at the American lady; the African yelled back, "Fuck you, Uncle Tom nigger motherfucker."

After listening to the manager, Officer Berndt proceeded to the African's apartment and took him into custody. "When I informed him why he was being arrested," writes Officer Berndt, "he [moaned], 'It's all because of my drinking problem.'"