Capitol Hill
Sun June 13, 4:30 pm: A lawyer, who for the past four months has been a "trusted" divorce attorney for a woman who lives on 10th Ave NE, revealed his true nature when he forced his client to have sex with him. The lawyer made the demand while at her house, supposedly delivering some "important papers," and she complied, though against her will. After he was finished, he asked that she keep the whole episode a secret, lest he "lose his license to practice law." Since reporting the incident to the police, the woman has become very worried--she currently owes her rapist/lawyer $300 in fees, which he could easily demand she pay.

Dogfight, with weapons

West Seattle
Tues July 13, 5:03 pm: When a man's dog was attacked by another dog at the corner of Myrtle and 31st Ave SW, he pulled out a gun and pointed it at the offending pooch. When the enemy dog was not deterred by the sight of a shiny Smith and Wesson (unlike birds, dogs never quite get what a gun means until it's too late), he pointed it at the dog's owner, who was trying to pull her pet away from his. It was then, she would later tell police, that she became "extremely concerned" for her safety. She pulled her dog from battle and headed home, where she called the cops. The police contacted the suspect at his home and confiscated the handgun, which was placed into evidence.

Christian swindle

University District
Wed July 14, 11:00 am: A painter, who calls his company Christian Brothers, was hired by an 84-year-old man to paint a house on 42nd Ave NE for $3,500. But long before the Christian brother had completed the job, he demanded that the old man pay him the full fee immediately! The old man reluctantly paid, and the Christian brother hasn't been seen since.

According to the police, this was not the first time the Christian brother had swindled a senior citizen--indeed, it's his long-standing racket. He looks for vulnerable old people who need their homes painted, does the whole "Christian Brothers" bit (an irresistible attraction for the elderly, whose thoughts have turned to matters of the grave), charges a high price for his services, and aggressively persuades them to pay him after he has only done a small part of the work. In another case, the Christian brother forced a great-grandmother into a bank and made her withdraw a large sum of money. A police visit to the man's home revealed that the Christian brother had been recently evicted, and nobody knows where he is.

The honest pimp

Aurora Ave
Wed July 14, 10:00 pm: A discerning police officer noticed and approached an extravagantly dressed man, who was sitting in a Cadillac parked by a hotel on Aurora Ave. The officer asked the man what he was up to, and the man responded, "Ah man, the only thing I'm guilty of is pimping an ugly prostitute. That's all." The police officer I and R'd (investigated and released) the guilty pimp.

Where are the black people?

Downtown
Thurs July 15, 8:00 am: A white man carrying a black canvas bag and wearing a leather jacket was suspiciously "hanging around the lobby looking for something" in a downtown building. A black employee of the company that operates in the building approached him, and politely asked if he could be of assistance. The man asked, "How many black people work in this building?" Startled, the black employee asked why he wanted to know this information. "Because I'm a terrorist," the man replied, and asked his question again, as he began walking toward the black employee. Just then the black employee saw a nearby elevator door open, and made his escape from the little freak. Security was notified of the incident, but the "terrorist" was gone by the time they arrived.

Park and switch

Pioneer Square
Thurs July 15, 12:30 pm: The opening of Safeco Field means not only a new place for the Mariners to lose games, but also a new hotbed for criminal activity. The first report of a crime related to this monstrous bulk of a ballpark occurred when a Tacoma doctor brought his whole family to its grand opening. Spying a sign that said, "park here," the family man pulled over and was directed by the parking attendant (who wore an official-looking orange vest) to the next "available space." The doctor paid the attendant $35, but when he and his family returned after watching the Mariners lose, he was shocked to find that his car was gone! A few phone calls revealed that the vehicle had been impounded. The Tacoma doctor got to thinking, and concluded that the parking attendant "may not have been legitimate."

Night of the sniffing dead

West Seattle
Fri July 16, 10:00 pm: A witness passing a cemetery in West Seattle saw the strangest thing. A man was standing among the tombstones, sniffing something from a plastic bottle. The witness informed the police of this possible apparition, and when Officer Sharp arrived at the scene and made contact with the cemetery man, the officer smelled a very strong chemical odor. The cemetery man became agitated--his words were slurred and otherworldly, and he could not stand without swaying. Officer Sharp had him transported to Harborview Medical Hospital, where he was involuntarily committed as a danger to himself and others.