Life in the Back Seat
Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth/Sand Point/Sat Jan 24/12:03 am: This is from a report concerning two teenage girls (both 19) who were arrested by Officer Terry for "consumption [of alcohol]" and disorderly conduct. "During transport to the North Precinct," writes Officer Terry, "Kristen yelled and screamed that their rights were being violated. 'Look,' said Kristen to her girlfriend Erin, 'we aren't even seat-belted.' Kristen started screaming and yelling that I had to stop the police car and seat-belt her in. Erin followed Kristen's lead and started yelling and screaming that she wasn't belted in.
"After arriving at the North Precinct, Erin yelled at me, 'Puntas.... We are going to school at North Seattle Community College.... We are going to teach your fucking children and fuck your mom.... Puntas.' Erin also yelled some other words in Spanish and English. In the holding area, Officer Raftis asked Erin if she needed to use the restroom. Erin said, 'Do you think my beautiful body needs to use the fucking bathroom, motherfucker!' Erin then tried to bite [another officer] in the arm...." The rest of the report continues this construction: An officer tries to be polite to one of the young ladies ("Do you want water?" "Would you like to call your parents?") but the officer's kindness is automatically gunned down by a teen tantrum ("You're a motherfucker!" "Fuck your fucking mom!").
Whether this report is close or far from the truth, it does accurately reflect the general fear that teens inspire in their parents--that they are always planning to revenge Mom/Dad, to disappoint them in the most extreme manner possible. While Mom/Dad drive toward retirement and the tranquility of old age, the teens in the backseat of their lives do not praise them for their love and all that they have done and sacrificed, but perpetually erupt into the most foulmouthed, soul-crushing emotional tornadoes. Sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child.
The Wink of a Young Girl's Eye/Ballard/Fri Feb 6/3:54 pm: We begin this report by Officer Steve near its end: "Inside the patrol car, I read the suspect [a 33-year-old heroin addict arrested for possession of weapons--several knives and a hatchet] his Miranda rights. I asked him if he understood. He nodded his head. I asked him if he could respond verbally, and he said, 'I have a right to remain silent.' 'So, you understand your rights, then?' I asked him. Suddenly he started singing 'Glory Days' by Bruce Springsteen...." We shall conclude this week's Police Beat with the final stanza of Springsteen's melancholy ditty "Glory Days":
Think I'm going down to the well tonight and I'm going to/Drink 'til I get my fill/And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it/But I probably will/Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture/A little of the glory/But time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister/But boring stories of glory days/Well, they'll pass you by, glory days/In the wink of a young girl's eye, glory days, glory days.
