She will kill you!/8th Ave NE/Tues Aug 24, 4:00 pm: Today, a hearing-impaired employee of Red Robin received a telephone call on her TTY device which said: "She will kill you. You better stay home. She will kick your ass and kill you. She will shoot you." The threat made the hearing-impaired woman "hysterical" and "afraid for her life." She paged her father, who called the police. When questioned by Officer Grossman, the hearing-impaired woman could think of no reason why anyone would want to kill her. A certified American Sign Language interpreter assisted Grossman in discovering the details of this very strange incident.

A man and his dog/University District/Wed Aug 25, 2:00 pm: A man with "diminished mental capacity" was walking his dog -- a small, charcoal-colored poodle -- on a leash, when he came across a woman happily working in the flower bed in front of her home. The man stopped on the sidewalk, facing her. When she heard some "jangling" noises, she turned just in time to see the man reach into his blue elastic shorts, pull out his penis, and start masturbating. He continued to hold the leash to the poor poodle. The woman ran inside her house and called her husband, who rushed home from work. The two scoured the neighborhood looking for the man and when they finally spotted him, the husband got out of the car and told him to stay away from his wife and home. The man seemed intimidated and said very little, other than asking the "man of the house" not to hurt his precious poodle. Finally, the man said, "Nobody paid me to do it?," which made no sense to the husband or the wife. The couple let the man go and returned to the safety and sanity of their home and flower bed.

Crime central/Park-and-Ride/Thur Aug 26, 4:00-5:00 pm: An unemployed man received a call from his 23-year-old daughter, who is also unemployed. She was crying and said she was somewhere in Seattle, but did not know where. When the father asked how she wound up in this strange predicament, she said it was because of the "Puppet." At this point a male voice came on the phone and said, "If you ever want to see your daughter alive again, I want $50,000 by tomorrow," and hung up. The father called the police who came over, dialed *69, and got the number for a pay phone on 200th St, which is located in a King County Park-and-Ride (the locus of a multitude of serious crime). Sadly, an area check of this Park-and-Ride proved fruitless, and all the cops know is that the "Puppet's" victim was last seen wearing a red floral pattern shirt tied around her waist, with blue cutoff shorts, white tennis shoes, and white socks.

The absurd proposition/Downtown/Fri Aug 27, 3:15pm: A dancer at the local gentleman's club Deja Vu was driving to a bar after work. At an intersection, a man with a gun approached her car and got in. He ordered the dancer to drive and to smoke some crack he had with him. The scared dancer smoked the crack and drove. They pulled into a parking lot where the man told the dancer to turn over her money, which turned out to be around $250. He then exposed his penis and told the dancer she could earn her money back by performing oral sex. Though she was high on crack, she was not stupid, so she refused. The man put his penis back into its holster and ordered her to drive back to where she had picked him up. Once there, he got out of the car and ran off. The police where able to get the stranger's fingerprints from the passenger door, and they were placed into evidence.

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