Queen Anne/Wed Dec 9/3:10 am: Officer Mitch Yun-Sung Choi reports: "I was dispatched to Dick's Drive-In located at 500 Queen Anne Avenue North, to investigate an assault... I arrived and met with complainant in the parking lot of Dick's. Initially the complainant was reluctant to tell me what happened and stated that he was embarrassed. He had a torn T-shirt and had redness on the left side of his facial cheek. He said his companion, who was talkative, attempted to strike up a conversation with a female in a group inside Dick's restaurant. For an unknown reason, the males in the group began pushing his friend away, so the complainant attempted to intervene. The males in the group then turned on him. He said the suspects did not strike him but they were pushing and shoving him. He said the suspects were last seen running away northbound from the location.

"I asked where his companion was, and he had to yell at him several times, across the street, to get his attention. Eventually his companion came to my location for an interview. He was obviously intoxicated, very abrasive, and argumentative. Several times during the interview, he changed the subject of conversation and changed his mind about filing a police report. Both said they were not injured and did not have any physical pain. I was unable to view the Dick's surveillance camera recordings at this time."

It is impossible to feel even an ounce of pity for the complainant and his "talkative" friend. It's nothing but foolish to make advances on a woman who is sitting at a table with other men. The arrogance, the gall, the nerve. The two have the stars to thank for coming out of this incident with just a few bruises and a torn shirt. The next time, the stars may not be there for them.

Somewhere in North Seattle/Wed Dec 9/3 pm: Officer Erik Johnson reports: "The unknown suspect approached the rear kitchen door and kicked it in. The unknown suspect then entered, went upstairs, entered a bedroom, and obtained the change container. The unknown suspect then fled."

The complainant in this almost poetic report claims that the stolen container held $600 worth of change. If this figure is correct, we can picture two scenarios for this crime: (1) If the container had 2,000 or so quarters, we can see the thief lifting it with not much effort, running down the stairs with no trouble, deftly exiting the kitchen door, and quickly walking down the street; (2) but if the container held mostly nickels and pennies, we see the same thief struggling to lift the huge and heavy thing, precariously lumbering down the damn stairs, exiting the fucking kitchen door with difficulty, and stumbling down the motherfucking, goddamned street. Let's hope the latter scenario is closer to the truth. recommended